I'm a fan of words. Words, phrases, slogans -- love 'em. I enjoy a good catchphrase, a sharp witticism, a well-played...uh...string of...er...
Elections are lousy with words and phrases. This year, we've had a lot of "change," a bit of "reform", and the ever-popular "he's an Arab." Of course, the tendency of most campaigns is to use their phrases over and over and over again, until the mere whisper of them may drive some listeners to drink. Those words and phrases need a rest...and in some cases, a dirt nap.
With that, here are my nominations for words and phrases from this year's election that I'd like to retire on November 5th, if not sooner...
Maverick
Standard Definition: A person who thinks independently; a lone dissenter.
Election Definition: Someone who calls themselves a "maverick."
Post-Election Usage: May be used if referring to a James Garner and/or Tom Cruise career retrospective, or by fans of Dallas professional basketball.
Game-Changer
Standard Definition: A person or event that turns the course for a campaign.
Election Definition: The ever-missing ingredient in the McCain campaign.
Post-Election Usage: A person who takes the Guitar Hero out of the XBox and replaces it with Rock Band.
My Friends
Standard: A collection of acquaintances that belong to you.
Election: A bland nicety, often followed by incoherent ranting.
Post-Election: Since McCain has drained the phrase of all meaning, it should only be used if singing the song "Friends" by the Police: "I like to eat my friends/and make no bones about it/I like to eat my friends/I couldn’t do without it."
Reach Across the Aisle
Standard: To make nice with the opposing party.
Election: To make nice with Joe Liebermann
Post-Election: To hand a box of Raisinets to your date in a very crowded movie house.
Past Associations
Standard: People you have known or used to know.
Election: Holding someone accountable for any and all actions and/or words of past colleagues, acquaintances and passers-by.
Post-Election: Charles Keating; William Timmons; members of the '60s pop group known for such hits as "Windy" and "Along Comes Mary."
Hockey Mom
Standard: A mom whose son or daughter plays hockey.
Election: A salt-of-the-earth, above-reproach, holier-than-thou mother. Variations may include "baseball mom," "football mom" and "soccer mom." (Not allowed: "chess club mom" and "my son wants to be a figure skater -- a FREAKIN' FIGURE SKATER mom.")
Post-Election: A woman, with children, who sits in goal for the Blackhawks. (Which, by the way, would rock.)
Terrorist:
Standard: One who uses the tactic of terror and fear to get their way.
Election: Any person who disagrees with me, or has a funny name, or an ethnicity I can't quite put my finger on, or a Democrat or...god help us...all of the above.
Post-Election: One who uses the tactic of terror and fear to get their way, such as a presidential campaign insinuating their opponent is a terrorist.
Additions (Thanks, everyone!)
Joe Six-Pack
Standard: I...don't believe this term existed before this election. Yeay for new words!
Election: Palin's groupies.
Post-Election: Joe MD 20/20 (adjusted for economic downturn.)
Lipstick on a pig
Standard: Dressing up a bad idea.
Election: Dressing up a really, really, terrible, awful idea. Not be confused with "lipstick on a pitbull" which is dressing up a really, really, terrible awful VP candidate.
Post-Election: Farm kink. shudder