How to let go....
I am using this diary for the purpose of recording the economic challenges we are facing... my moods seem to vary daily - sometimes I think we can pull it off..other days I think, "Hey - here take it all..."
I never have liked thinking about money and even less so with such dim prospects...
Two kids in college, I am out of work, my husband is bringing home a 10% pay cut.... the house hasn't sold or rented.....
what to do, what to . .
Cable tv, internet and cell phones come to almost $400/month for the family.... they are on my list to ax.... but husband and kids say, "No way we NEED this stuff" ... so where else can I cut? Hold off on son's tooth timplants (2) - that's a $5,000 bill in the next few months...if we don't then he loses all that expensive orthodontics...seems like we need to do that one.
Health coverage - reduced to HMO - oh boy; reduce car insurance to just minimum (doing that) - I know I'll back into something as soon as comprehensive comes off; "turn off thos lights when you leave the room" - doing that, "turn up the AC to 80 - so what if you can't sleep - sleep naked" - doing that; no more Eukanuba for the dogs- good ole Purina will have to do; no more real juices - Crystal Light isn't so bad; no more paper towels/napkins (good for the environment) or disposable anythings, Goodwill has some pretty good deals on clothes...
Sell stuff.. but, the "Oregon Trail" here is already littered with the throw outs of the already left town...heirloom furniture, engagement rings, cars, little tykes toys..... all languishing on Craigslist or in the back at Goodwill...
What else can I do? Borrow against the 401K... it will pay for college - bridge till the house sells.... screw retirement.... hopefully we'll die before we are too old to trim trees....
If husband's job holds...we will know in about five months... we can hang on.... and hopefully I will find work... although I think I am officially a "discouraged worker" now.... but I just can't think right now just what we are holding on to....
It's going to be a long winter.
On the other hand if I can let go... let go of my stupid little plans for that little family farm somewhere where it actually rains now and then and temperatures are below 100 for more than 6 months.....if I can just let go of expectations ... then it's all good?
Just so long the kids have hope for their futures and we have a roof and food? Gee...that sounds a lot like my father talking....so many years ago.
Hopefully, somehow magically, maybe just jotting down the steps I must take will somehow reduce the sting...it all looks pretty silly in print...
just stuff...even if it's our stuff....