Did you know that libraries are institutions that give away thousands of dollars worth of free resources at taxpayer expense?
Did you know that when times are tough, library usage goes way up?
These socialist institutions must be stopped before they offer any more aid and comfort to the unemployed, underpaid, struggling, community-minded, literate, or simply frugal Americans!
Why? Because it's, you know, un-American!
You wouldn't believe how much free stuff these so-called public institutions are giving away at taxpayer expense!
Just look:
Free Computer access (take that, free market!)
Free access to thousands of dollars worth of online subscription databases with information that is not available on the open Internet. (Oh, you can just hear them whining now: "Information wants to be free!")
Books (and they don't even censor them! They even pride themselves on having current books in every subject! Even science with all it's crazy liberal-leaning bias!)
Magazines (Everything from the Journal of the American Medical Association to Cosmo. Grrrrr....)
Newspapers (Even that godless rag, the NY Times)
DVDs for adults and children (Shield their eyes! Harry Potter! Witches!)
Children's programs like storytime, homework club, reading motivation programs (you know perfectly well that if the next generation is too literate, it certainly won't vote Republican!)
Programs for grownups, like computer skills workshops (for those horrible unemployed people), ESL classes (for the illegals who are ruining the country), and classical music (for those elitist snobs) and jazz (we all know who likes jazz!)
But the most dangerous of all the resources available free at the library is the assistance of a good reference librarian, if your library can still afford one.
These overeducated civil servants help patrons find whatever they want to know more about! Whether it's good for the public to know or not!
They have reference books and databases on every subject, including local, state and federal law.
Many of them keep community services file or databases of social service agencies and organizations that help people who have specific illnesses, situations, or economic problems. AND THEY'LL TELL ANYONE WHO ASKS! FOR FREE!
Some of these uppity women (and most of them are women, many reputed to be feminists!) have even been known to help people fighting for social justice in their communities through their insidious back files of documents and publications. Those people keep EVERYTHING! No corporation or corrupt local official can hope to hide from the long records of all their accomplishments if these damned librarians won't let go of the past!
That's why I'm urging all good Americans to go to their local public library today, undercover of course, and ask questions. Subtly, of course. Don't let them know what you're up to. Find out if you really can get information on any subject. Find out if the undesirables are hanging out at those free computers with their free internet and free databases and look and see what they're up to. Are they writing resumes at your expense? Or looking up information to help them vote? Or are they, God forbid, BLOGGING?????
Check out those demure reference librarians. In between finding cozy mysteries for octogenarians, are they by chance helping people find local election laws? Connecting a single mother with agencies that might help her? Suggesting a resume workshop to some undeserving unemployed person?
You will be shocked at what you find! Report back below.