Whoaaa! From Northern California's CA-01, "Green Republican" Zane BarakStarkewolf(e) brings the craaazy!
In case you need any more proof that Republicans have not explored the concept of a fifty-state strategy, here it is:
A huge hat-tip, btw, to the Huff Post's Jason Linkins (and isn't that a great name for a blogger?) who apparently enjoys watching the political equivalent of Raiders v. 49ers--who cares? Isn't there a real game on somewhere? Ah, but you've got to pay attention to find gems like these.
Parents, you may want to send your kids to the TV room for a second...
The, uh, "money shot," friends, is so great that you'll have to follow me, baby, over the jump to get your satisfaction... Mmm...Just give me a second while I slip into something more commmmfortable. ;)
Okay, big boy, are you ready for this? Or do you want to be teased some more?
Northern California Blue Dog Mike Thompson faced an attack from "ninth-level elven warrior from Dungeons and Dragons and self-professed 'Green Republican'" Zane Starkewolf.
FYI, big sexy, I just googled "ninth-level elven warrior." Besides, this guy's silly blog, all of the hits were of Starkewolf stories. I guess we'll have to ask Dwight Schrute, but I think very few Elven D & D players make it past level 8 and earn the coveted attack of the....
Ooooooooooo baby, wait your turn, cuz i just lovvvvvvvve to teeeeeeeeeeease you, don't you want it? You want it bad, baby, don't you?
Okay, here it goes! ZOMG, oh, OH! I can't stop, I can't stop!
Starkewolf decided to attack Thompson (-for legitimate reasons--Patriot Act and Bush bailout-)via... You guessed it. Listen to this wave file of...oh...it's, OMG, OMG! YESSS!!!!....A ROBOCALL SIMULATING PHONE-SEX!!!.
You really need that audio to do it justice, but a sexy woman's voice reads:
Mike Thompson has been a baaaaaad boy. We all said no to the bailout, but Thompson backed Bush. Just like he did with the Patriot act, uhhhhhh, vote YESSSSSSSSS! for Zane.
(I know "shouting" is frowned upon at DK, but I believe I'm justified: this may be the first phonesex robocall ever, let alone one that wasn't a "false flag" dirty trick.)
Wait for a minute while I have a cigarette and yearn to be held...<sigh> Okay, there...
Starkewolf issued an, um, apology? No, even if he's "Green," Republicans (such as Fox News race-baiter John Moody)don't apologize.
Starkewolf explained the logic in an impassioned statement posted to his website. (Emphases added):
I want to officially address the topic of the phone call that went out today from my campaign to individuals in District One [Recording Posted]. I acknowledge that the idea behind the ad, and indeed the execution of the call, was not the safe route to take. And if my run for office was simply for personal gain, I would not have taken a risk. But the content and the facts within the message were there and need to be discussed. Hopefully this call opens up the forum for discussion on the issues and on the representation which is so essential to our system.
...I take the credit or the blame for the statement that went out today. The unpaid staffer who recorded and submitted the message may have been a little overly enthusiastic in the delivery, but I believe it is good to get enthusiasm back into politics.
The message is there--and what it says is that Mike Thompson went against the people of this district when he voted to pass and have us pay for the 700 billion dollar bailout and went along with George Bush as he has done on various issues including in passing the so called "Patriot Act". This is simply appalling. And if a message needs to go out that is "appalling" in a sense in order to get the discussion going, than I believe it is a worthy cause.
Okay, mom and dad, the children can come back into the room.
Now, from what your mommies and daddies told you about what Mr. Starkewolf did, what have you learned today?
-
Mike Thompson could be the type of guy (-Blue-Dog, DLC types are running from those labels-) worth challenging with a truly progressive candidate in the '10 cycle, but one who's more credible. You know, a tenth-level elven warrior. (I am talking out of school here, and ARDem includes a thoughtful defense of Thompson in his two year-old diary To Primary or Not to Primary.
- If Hugo Chavez turned himself into a woman and birthed the lovechild of Osama bin Laden, Hugo Chavez bin Laden could certainly win a Republican primary in a district if it's blue enough,
But little Baby Hughie bin Ladie wouldn't have as much fun (or success) pissing on the grave of the GOP brand as this Starkewolf guy seems to be having.
- This wacko didn't just make a vaguely pornographic robocall. He didn't just stand behind it as a bracing bromide against "unenthusiastic" politics. He posted it to his website (and you've got to believe he's his own webmaster), linked to it, and hoped it went viral.
...lastly,
...The unpaid staffer who recorded and submitted the message...
- Uh, does "unpaid staffer means that, somewhere, in this world of people looking for work, there is a paid Starkewolf staffer? Or does that mean that between trips to the Magick shoppe, Zane found himself an online girlfriend who's willing to talk dirty for him?
I mean, this is the most amazing joke candidacy I've ever seen, down to the blank "endorsements" page and a "news" page that posts his attacks attacks on him like badges of honor.
I will bet you five dollars that this diary will find its way to Starkewell's "news" page before sundown today.
Whoops, looking at this News page, I noticed that Colbert brought him up tonight. I'm falling down on my Comedy Central, folks!
Anyway, let's hope the GOP keeps having such a deeeeeeeeeeeep bench.
UPDATE: Though not yet diaried, Starkewolf was mocked on MSNBC earlier today, a fact I learned from--you guessed it--Starkewolf's news page:
UPDATE II:
Does it seem like that phone sex call was more like a dorm room prank than a political communication? You're probably right.
Okay, I realized that "Zane Starkwolf" is not his real name. Via teh googles' "did you mean?" feature (several searches in) I discovered the C.V. of a one Zane Barak Starkwolfe, a UC Davis Graduate Student in Chemistry who appears to be a bright young man with a Palinesque academic path. But hey, he's a pretty good Teaching Assistant!
As a chemistry TA at UC Davis, Starkewolf made an impression on many of his students, including student Matthew Girardi.
"He's someone who's very professional but easy to get along with at the same time," said Girardi, now a senior chemical engineering major. "He wants to fit in and help you out but he never crosses that line."
Starkewolf said that when he put his name in for nomination, he did not really expect to win. He did not campaign very much outside of some newspaper interviews. Also, he said winning the primary was an awakening to the time commitment he had gotten himself into.
Even their candidates regret getting nominated, folks.