Shooting script for new prescription medicine that shows significant progress in slowing or even reversing pullus parumitis. Commercial to air ASAP.
INT.
B&W shot of a decrepit, run down house. FEMALE PATIENT stands, crossed armed, head down.
FEMALE PATIENT (V/O)
Every day brought a new poll.
CU
B&W close up of FEMALE PATIENT
FEMALE PATIENT (V/O)
Every poll brought new worry.
INT
Shot of FEMALE PATIENT looking forlorn, slumped shouldered, staring aimlessly at RealClearPolitics.com website
FEMALE PATIENT
It's hopeless.
EXT.
mixed speed dolly shot of MALE PATIENT on muddy football field. FOOTBALL PLAYERS covered in mud playing around him
MALE PATIENT (V/O)
McCain is gaining. The race is tightening.
ECU
B&W extreme close up of MALE PATIENT as a single tear rolls down his cheek
MALE PATIENT
Was it all for nothing?
INT
Shot of MALE PATIENT and FEMALE PATIENT each staring at FiveThirtyEight.com
ECU
Montage of extreme close ups of MALE and FEMALE faces over the following dialogue
FEMALE PATIENT
They're going to steal the election.
MALE PATIENT
Young people won't show up
FEMALE PATIENT
Disenfranchisement
MALE PATIENT
Evangelicals
FEMALE PATIENT
Bradley Effect
MALE PATIENT
Voting Machines
BOTH
ENOUGH!!!!!!!!
ANNOUNCER (V/O)
Do you or someone you love suffer from acute pullus parumitis, also known as Chicken Little Syndrome? There's good news.
INT/ES
Shot of dour B&W house falling apart around them, revealing a rolling meadow made of bright greens, spotted with white orchids and yellow sunflowers. Meadow is overflowing with smiling people of various ethnicities. They all romp together, spreading happiness.
ANNOUNCER (V/O)
You don't have to suffer. Now there's Pollacil®. Pollacil® is a new treatment for CLS that attacks the disease right at the source. By engaging the sufferer in volunteer actions, Pollacil® isolates and destroys the anxiety responsible for the crippling symptoms of CLS, such as reading way too much into Battleground polls, and forgetting that a five point lead in a daily tracker is actually pretty damn big, especially when one candidate's numbers have cemented over 50%.
2SHOT
Shot of FEMALE PATIENT driving VW bus painted with flowers and the Obama logo, full of senior citizens. Bus passes by technicolor arrow that says "This way to the Voting Place"
FEMALE PATIENT
I thought I'd never break the cycle, now I brake for nothing while transporting these seniors to cast their votes!
INT
Shot of MALE PATIENT working a phone bank
MALE PATIENT
I thought all I could do was worry needlessly about fluctuating numbers, constantly reloading the DKos mainpage, leaving comments on diaries. Boy was I wrong!
EXT
Montage of various people taking their Pollacil®, activities including canvassing, phone banking, marching, voting
ANNOUNCER (V/O)
Pollacil® isn't for everyone. Concern Trolls have been known to react poorly to Pollacil®, as Pollaicil® attacks their very life force. If you're a Concern Troll or a Despair Troll and take Pollacil®, serious personality fluctuations are likely. Side Effects of Pollacil® include physical exhaustion, sense of self-worth, pride, honor, validation, headache, nausea and meeting new people with similar interests. Pollacil® is available by prescription only. As of today, Pollacil® works best in Pennsylvania, Indiana, Virginia, North Carolina, Georgia, Montana, Nevada, and Florida. Ask your local Obama office if Pollacil® is right for you.
CU
Shot of MALE PATIENT voting
MALE PATIENT
I'll never suffer from CLS again
MS
Medium shot of FEMALE PATIENT holding up sign at rally
FEMALE PATIENT
I'm leaving everything on the road
WS
Wide shot of MALE PATIENT on deck of cruise ship, throwing an avil at a flailing, drowning Trent Lott
MALE PATIENT
I'm throwing anvils
MS
Medium shot of FEMALE PATIENT looking chi-stoned, holding jar of Pollacil®
FEMALE PATIENT
I got a little buzz going from this stuff
ANNOUNCER (V/O)
Pollacil®. You gotta try this stuff. It's, like, twice as good as sitting there and worrying.