• New yard signs.
• What would Sarah post on Facebook?
• Dinosaurs and humans.
• McCain's new interview tactic.
Start your weekend off with some snark.
"The pen and the cloning tool are mightier than the sword."
THE FRONT YARD
First off, let’s get the post-debate yard signs out of the way.
Shill: Real-life, honest-to-goodness yard signs, t-shirts, bumper stickers available here.
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WILFORD BRIMLEY WOULD MAKE A BETTER PAT BUCHANAN
Rachel Maddow and "friend."
So Buchanan Brimley thinks SP won the debate and brings a "fresh" voice to American politics. This sent me scurrying to the dictionary to look up the definition of fresh. Nowhere did I see the words "uninformed, scripted, frenetic or ham-fisted" used. Hmmm. I also looked up the definition of charlatan, which is:
A person falsely claiming to have a special knowledge or skill; a fraud.
Yeah, Pat Wilford. Sarah’s voice is fresh alright. In that special next-door-neighbor’s-yapping-dog kinda way.
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SARAH WRITES ON GOD'S WALL
Ever wonder if Sarah Palin had a Facebook page (she’s too vain not to) what it would look like? My thoughts and Photoshop skills on that notion here:
Hmmmm, what about her info page?
Now blown up a bit for better reading.
And now, status updates of all her friends.
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NEW McCAIN INTERVIEW TACTIC: ONE BEEP FOR "YES," TWO FOR "NO"
Senator McCain "answers" a question
In an effort to diminish his perceived irritability after a Wednesday morning skirmish with a journalist in Iowa, John McCain has been instructed by his handlers to answer all future interview questions using a simple code delivered via analog signals.
Senator McCain, encased in a futuristic black carbon fiber wheel chair that prevents him from making his trademark spastic gestures, silently and without expression "talked" with Katie Couric from the bridge of the new "Starship Straight Talk."
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SARAH COULD BE RIGHT ABOUT ONE THING.
This is empirical photographic evidence that dinosaurs and humans have roamed the planet together. No photoshop necessary. (Rim shot SFX)
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JOHN McCAIN MEET COLONEL JESSUP
An imagined scene at the debate:
McCain: Take caution in your tone, Senator. I'm a fair guy, but this fucking campaign is making me absolutely crazy. What I do want is for you to stand there in that faggoty white uniform impeccable designer suit and with your Harvard mouth extend me some fucking courtesy.
Obama: Senator did you order the Hail Mary?
McCain: I run my campaign how I run my campaign. You want to investigate me, roll the dice and take your chances. I eat breakfast 300 yards from 4000 Cubans journalists who are trained to kill smear me, so don't think for one second that you can come down here, flash a smile, and make me nervous.
Obama: Senator, Steve Schmidt ordered the Hail Mary because that’s what you told him to do.
FOX Noise: Object!
WSJ: Sustained.
Obama: And when it went bad, when Governor Palin was incoherent in front of Katie Couric...
FOX Noise: Dammit Obama!
Obama: ...You suspended your campaign to cover it up.
FOX Noise: Consider yourself in Contempt of the Republican Party!
Obama: Senator did you order the Hail Mary?
McCain: You want answers?
Obama: I think we’re entitled.
McCain: You want answers?!
Obama: I want the truth!
McCain: I can’t handle the truth!
Boy Son, we live in a world that has walls, walls that were torn down by great men like Ronald Reagan. And the remains of those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Whose gonna do it? You? I have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom. I have to try to make something out of what's left of conservative ideology. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you and your elitist friends, can be pretty damn entertaining. You don't want the truth because deep down inside when you gather at your celebrity cocktail parties, you want me lying, you need me lying. We use words like honor, code, loyalty surge, nucular, doctrine. We use them as the backbone of a life trying to defend something. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a black man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that the GOP has provided, and then questions if the manner is constitutional or not. I would rather you just said thank you, and went on your way. The press wants to question Sarah Palin, thinks I took a gamble, thinks she isn’t fit for the job. Either way, I don't give a damn what they think they’re entitled to!
Obama: Did you order the Hail Mary?
McCain: I did the job I...
Obama: Did you order the campaign suspended in order to cover up Sarah Palin's interview with Katie Couric?
McCain: You’re Goddamned right I did!
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That's it for this week's edition of MEET THE KOSSACKS. Have a great weekend. I'll be celebrating 20 years of marriage with Mrs. 5 O'clock Shadow this weekend. How do we liberals stay married so long?