Now EBetty was raised in a Protestant household (Methodist), but was largely educated by those followers of the Black Pope (those pesky Jesuits, who are actually Catholic), so EBetty has had her share of religion on both sides of the divide. She has read from the New English Bible, the Jerusalem Bible, the New American Bible and Good News for the Modern Man, even tried to read Martin Luther's translation in the original German. But for all the holy rollers out there trying to out Christ, Christ for Christ's sake, she says Time Out! Let's go back to the source, okay? The B.I.B.L.E.
Kay Hagan did this superbly in her new video, in response to being labelled "Godless" by the Dole campaign. (EBetty doesn't know how to post the video here, so you can check it out on Andrew Sullivan's blog). She went back to the Source. The Killer Line: Christians shouldn't
"bear false witness against other Christians."
The B.I.B.L.E. says "neighbor", but Hagan is clearly saying "Hey Christians, you ought to know better. The Heathen may not know this, but surely with all your Bible study classes, you ought to know this one. It is one of the T.E.N. C.O.M.M.A.N.D.M.E.N.T.S. for Christ's sake!!!!" EBetty applauds this response to Senator Dole's attack on Hagan's beliefs. Since it seems, especially so this cycle, that the theocratic wing of the Republican Party is breaking every fricking Commandment in the Old and New Testament...
A little refresher course is in order, The New EBetty Translation (NEBT):
- I am God, you can't have any others, 'cause Gosh Darnit, I brought you out of slavery! You owe me.
- No carved, engraved, smelted, welded, etched, frescoed likenesses of me: you couldn't do me justice, by trying. Remember, I am a Jealous God!{aside:"I'll never forgive Michaelangelo for that grey bearded, nose picker on the Sistene Chapel, why I couldn't be David, is beyond me!"}
- Don't use my name maliciously. That means no swearing, G-nab it!, or using my name to make you look good, or to one up your neighbor.
- Remember to keep the Sabbath day holy. Which means I command you to take one day off a week, no work. Rest, Play, be Fruitful and Multiply! Who does this anymore in a 24/7 world?
- Honor mom and pop and while your at it, your kids, your wife, your husband, your aunts and uncles, cousins, your neighbors, your world. Honor, Respect: these are good qualities to give to self and others, not just for use as campaign slogans and for branding purposes, that you don't actually mean to uphold by your actions.
- No killing/murder. That includes no "threats" of killing. Saying "Kill him!"is a giant deal breaker on your part of this covenant.
- No adultery. Please, this just goes back to honoring your peeps.
- No stealing. (Please return all those Obama signs NOW!, or there will be Hell to pay!)
- You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor,i.e. no LYING! There has been so much of this iniquity these days, I Your God, am thinking about another ginormous flood to learn ya!
- Leave your neighbor's property alone. Like I said, return those Obama signs, and while your at it, stop MILFing the hot VP candidate, she is married you know!
From the New Testament, entitled the Greatest Commandment, a la St. Matthew, JC summarizes the 10 to just 2:
"You must love the lord your God with all your heart, with all you soul, with all your mind. And the second is like it, you must love your neighbor as yourself."
It seems to EBetty that many, many, many people forget that in order to love God, it means you chuck Reason and humanity's God-given ability to think, to the curb. It ain't so, and it's says so, right here, in the B.I.B.L.E. So in the immortal words that God put in the mouth of Aretha Franklin: "Think! About what you're tryin' to do to me!... R.E.S.P.E.C.T."