My friends, ignore the polls. We should be shaking in our boots right now. After the Republicans have been trying to brand Barack Obama as an elitist for months, McCain co-chair Frank Keating says:
"He ought to admit, 'You know, I've got to be honest with you. I was a guy of the street'," Keating said. "'I was way to the left. I used cocaine. I voted liberally, but I'm back at the center.'"
Now you may be thinking that there might be some inconsistency in trying to label Barack Obama both an elitist and a street thug.
But Frank Keating may be on to something....I mean c'mon, folks...like John McCain says, how much do we REALLY know about Barack Obama?
The fact is that there is a pattern of behaviors that show that Barack Obama is both elitist and thuggish.
- Forget Tall, Grande, and Venti...Brack Obama goes to Starbucks and gets a "Latte 40." That's right folks, 40 ounces of elitist elixer. He usually carries it around the ghetto in a paper bag in order to avoid arousing suspicion. However, smoking an arugula joint at the same time was what usually gave him away.
- Barack Obama has a previously undisclosed tattoo in the small of his back. It reads "Brie Badass" with a silhouette of France's borders in the background.
- It was pretty thuggish when Barack Obama once mugged an old lady in a dark alley. But it was really elitist of him when he left her purse and stole her bottle of Chardonnay.
- There was a time when Barack Obama tried to leave the life of thuggish elitism and sell periodicals on street corners. However, when pedestrians declined to buy the copies of the Harvard Law Review that Obama was peddling, he was known to get in their faces and yell, "I am going to kick your strict constructionist ass, jurisprudence fucker!" Scary stuff, my friends.
- Eventually, Barack Obama made enough money to buy a car. But not only did he outfit his Volvo with outrageously expensive rims, but he used to blast Mozart with way too much bass while speeding through the 'hood.
Fellow, Kossacks, Frank Keating is on to something. If the meme of elitist gangbanger takes hold, no lead in the polls will hold.
We better change the subject, fast. Maybe we should distract the country and talk about the economy or something? How's that stock market doing, anyway?