Your circle of Republican friends is probably shrinking, but you are still going to need stocking toilet stuffers for the holidays. Don't rush out and buy that classy Laura Bush autobiography! You're going to want to spice up your gift with some revenge spice, and what better revenge than buying Joe The Plumber's upcoming new book, 'Joe the Plumber - Fighting for the American Dream.' While not likely to find many fans amongst Obama supporters, the book is sure top please the low-info voters on your list. Democrats and other communist types might be missing something good, though; "You know I will get behind something solid, but I won't get behind fluff," boasts the unlicensed skinhead.
The book will be rushed for publication by Dec 1, in time for the holiday, and while the public's memory of Joe is still lukewarm.
Says Joe The Plumber:
I am not going to a conglomerate that way we actually can get the economy jump started. Like there is five publishing companies in Michigan. There's a couple down in Texas. They are small ones that can handle like 10 or 15,000 copies. I can go to a big one that could handle a million or two. But they don't need the help. They are already rich. So that's spreading the wealth to me.
In Joe The Unlicensed Plumber's defense, he is far gentler on the English grammar and more infinitely more articulate than Sarah Palin. I realize that many circus-loving kossacks have wet dreams of a Palin/Wurzelbacher ticket for 2012, as this would mean Barack wouldn't even need to campaign to win. However, the Republicans could make case that a Wurzelbacher/Palin ticket, with Joe as Prez and Palin as vice-Prez, might in fact have more chances of losing less spectacularly than if Palin was running for POTUS.
The learned volume will be ghostwritten by religious fantasy novelist Thomas N. Tabback, who is absolutely the best man for the job; his experience appears to be limited to a single other book titled "THINGS FORGOTTEN" and he's about to ghostwrite a novel that will be forgotten about someone that should and will be forgotten. This guy was so perfect for the job, that Joe turned down Stephen King.
The publisher "Pearl Gate Publishing" (nice religious name!) has but one published book in its stable, Joe's planned seminal philosophical novel being the second.
Buy the book and get the following essential benefits:
By demonstrating your support for Joe Wurzelbacher "Joe The Plumber" you will automatically be enrolled as a Freedom Member for one year, which includes:
- Total Access to "Joe The Forum" where you may chat directly with Joe
- Subscription to the "Joe The Blog" monthly newsletter
- Free Shipping on all "Joe The Plumber" merchandise
- Free Signed Copy of Joe's forthcoming book "Joe The Plumber" - Fighting for the American Dream (Paperback slated for release December 1, 2008)
- Become an integral part of an American movement to restore our government to the people
Do not underestimate the repercussions of Joe The Plumber's irritating 15 minutes of fame. There is more to it than meets the eye. Unbelievably, the Ohio House is preparing legislation aimed at making sure to prevent the kind of government snooping that Joe The Plumber was subjected to during the presidential campaign. Yeah, heaven forbid the public should learn the truth about frauds and liars.
There have been unexpected benefits for Joe; after being clocked at 50mph in a 35-mph zone, the police let him off the hook for speeding recently, fearing negative repercussions to the department and city as a whole. It's all good, since Joe has recently complained to a journalist that he's broke.
Rumours that Sarah Palin has signed a book deal for "Five Minute Word Salads" and "Take Beef Recipes And Substitute Moose" are unfounded. These rumours were fueled by this most delicious dish, served cold to amazed journalists:
Gah! Nothing specific right now. Sitting here in these chairs that I'm going to be proposing but in working with these governors who again on the front lines are forced to and it's our privileged obligation to find solutions to the challenges facing our own states every day being held accountable, not being just one of many just casting votes or voting present every once in a while, we don't get away with that.
The ingredient list will forever remain a secret, in her head.