I've known I would be writing this diary for some time now, but I never started a draft of it; whether by principle or superstition I can't rightly say. But I have to do it now, because my grandfather died the day before Thanksgiving, a little while before I made it there to see him. He was 85. He was responsible for me as a boy, in the stead of my absent biological father, and was both the root and catalyst of my political awareness throughout my life. He was my touchstone, and I'll miss him dearly. Stop reading this right now, if you've got grandparents out there, and go call to tell them you love them. I'll wait for you below the fold if you want to hear my story, but do that for me first.
You'll thank me someday.
My Grandfather, David G. Bennett, Sr, was born September 22, 1923 near Charlotte, North Carolina. I regret that I won't get to hear any more stories of his boyhood in the Depression-Era South, stories of Boy Scouts and a simpler time, when the privation most Americans endured brought them closer together. He went to war in the Pacific theater in II with the Air Force (probably the Army Air Corps, actually, as it's pointed out in the comments, though he always just said 'Air Force') and saw action, though I don't know how much, all his stories from the war were about trying to heist extra food from the stockrooms on his ship, or hunting wild pigs on far-off Pacific islands, unbeknownst to his officers. He was luckier than many, and came home from the War in one piece. He was able to enroll in Pfeiffer University on the GI Bill, and transferred to Duke to earn his degree. I'm a huge College football fan, and he used to tell me a story about the new University President calling all the students into an auditorium and announcing that Duke would from that point forward be emphasizing education, and de-emphasizing athletics. The football team, with one brief respite (while the 'ol ball coach was there in the early '80s) has had losing seasons ever since, and he used to joke that it was due to that President's proclamation more than half a century ago. Of course, we always had basketball to enjoy together, but I was glad the Blue Devils football squad put together a 4-6 season so far this year, better than they've done in quite some time. Their win over Vandy was one of the last things we ever discussed.
I digress. He married my grandmother in 1951, a few years after meeting her while she and his sister were roomates at Brevard College. During their courtship, he discovered what a small town Naples, Florida was back then. Every time he tried to call her, the operator would say something like "Sorry honey, you won't get her at home right now, she's at her cousins' for a birthday party." Her phone number at the time, I believe, was 7. They eventually connected, though, and after moving around a bit they settled back in Naples. They had two children, and he worked as an accountant for a real-estate company for many years.
Shortly before I was born, my mom left my father and moved back in with my grandparents. Until she married my stepdad when I was about 11, my grandfather was my only male role model, and I couldn't have asked for a better one. Though in retrospect I imagine some men would have been reticent to raise another child after having brought up two of their own already, he never missed a beat. I've called him "Daddy" for as long as I can remember. (Though I understood since whenever I was able to that he was my grandfather, of course) In an odd way, it's like I was raised in the '50s instead of the '80s, since that was the kind of household my grandparents ran. I really feel that I'm much better off for it, though sometimes I feel a strange disconnect with my peers when it comes to certain values and ideas.
Onward to politics, though, to keep this whole diary from becoming a dirge. My mom and grandparents (and later my stepdad) raised me right, instilling in me the very basic values of fairness, generosity, and compassion. It's odd to think about, but I don't remember anything partisan about my grandfathers' politics when I was young. Not a single statement, either for or against a President, party, or group. There were political ideas in there, to be sure, but I never thought about them as such. Mainly, I was taught to be respectful of the Government, the Military, and my fellow man. I was taught to do what was right in spite of the circumstances or consequences. I was taught that fairness and justice were paramount, and that to help people elevate themselves toward virtue was more important than ones' personal gain. I was taught not to discriminate, even though he came from a time and place where it would have been easy for him to feel that way. Above all, it was about the golden rule, about doing unto others. That was what I learned.
My mother always told me I was extremely conservative as a child. I remember supporting the first Iraq War. There's an interesting notion in that, the idea that my 11-year old self, too immature and inexperienced to know how I really felt about war, was easily convinced that US Military intervention was always justified, that we were always the good guys and never considering that there might be an alternative.
I had troubles when I was a teenager. My liberalism was borne of radicalism, or at least faux radicalism. I listened to punk rock and Rage Against the Machine, joined groups like Refuse and Resist!, wrote English papers about Mumia-Abu-Jamal, all that stuff. I questioned everything, and by my first election, I was not so much supporting Gore as resisting Bush, but I volunteered anyway. I considered voting Nader, and am thankful to this day I didn't, or I would have felt personally responsible for everything that's gone wrong since.
Four more years gave me perspective, and I was moving toward the mainstream of Liberal thought by the time Kerry came around, but was still doing dumb things that I thought would help; spraypainting STOP signs with "WAR" and "BUSH", stealing Bush/Cheney yard signs, etc. I volunteered in more legitimate ways during the day, of course, and on election day 2004 I was a poll watcher in the Precinct where my grandparents lived.
I had been hesitant to talk national politics with my grandfather, but we regularly had conversations about the state of world affairs, and what was going on with local politics. He never really showed his hand, but since he and my Grandmother were fairly religious and socially conservative, I always assumed he was a Republican, and crafted my conversations with him accordingly. I wouldn't dream of arguing too much with him, he was the smartest guy I knew, and I respected him immensely. Our conversations centered on the things I mentioned before, what was fair and what was right, as opposed to what either party believed.
Imagine my surprise when I saw their names on my list of registered Democrats. They came in and voted some time after my shift, so I didn't see them that day, but I asked my mom about it later. She looked at me like I had two heads. "Of course they are, they've always been Democrats, ever since I can remember."
It blew my mind, and that was really the moment I was in for good. We lost that election, of course, but I never looked back, and have been fighting tooth and nail for the Democratic Party since that day. The thing that truly amazed me about it was all the pieces fit together, but I still never saw it. The prevailing idea that people who are religious, with a military background, and fairly conservative (small c) in their lives were by necessity members of the GOP was shattered. I realized that my beliefs really were the mainstream, the things I'd been taught, not about politics but about life, were truly the core principles of what my party stood for.
I talked to him after that election, and many times after that. He was not a firebreathing partisan, but he was dismayed by the condition George Bush had put his country in. He fought for this land, no doubt watched his friends die for it, sent his only son to the military years later for America as well. He knew what was at stake. He watched FDR raise us out of the Depression when he was a boy, and understood what that meant, how it related to our current situation. He didn't always agree with his chosen party, but he knew they were better stewards of America than the GOP. He was proud this year of how far this country had come, proud to cast his vote for a man who would have had a very different life in 1920s North Carolina.
Everything about the way my grandfather lived was consistent with his prevailing philosophy, and that philosophy was not a political one. He was simply a good man, a smart man, and a man who lived his life according to the principles of fairness and honesty. A man who believed in the virtue of hard work, and only taking what one needed to get by. In his final years, he'd refused assistance from the VA, even though he certainly was entitled to it; his opinion was that someone else out there needed it more than he did. He was a man who loved his neighbor and his family, and lived a quiet life, simply trying to do right by others and help when and where he could. He didn't do these things because he was a Democrat, he was a Democrat because he recognized the consistency his philosophy shared with theirs.
My goal in life has always been to be as good a man as my grandfather. My political ideas are but a part of that, yet the thing I took away from looking at that Voter Roll four years ago was the most important thing I've ever learned about politics. It's not necessary to wear your affiliation on your sleeve. Truly good people, people who are worthy of respect and emulation will always be able to impart their beliefs without partisanship. The important thing in life is not the label society puts on your set of personal principles, it's living by those principles every day. My Grandfather made me realize being a Democrat isn't important; being a good person is. He lived a life that from a political perspective was vastly superior to most; the fact that I respected him so much without even knowing he was a Democrat says it all.
I'm really going to miss him.
UPDATE: Thanks, guys and girls. I knew I could count on you all to say some nice things on a day when I need some reassurance. He's at peace now, and he was lucky to make it home to go in a much more dignified way than some people are forced to endure. This is a weekend to think about all the things we're thankful for, and I'm especially thankful for this Community. Now go call your families and tell them you love them.