I'm all choked up and teary-eyed. Never before have I been so happy to see CNN. To keep hitting "refresh" over and over again on the Kos map. To have two laptops and eight channels on the boob toob at the same time.
And I have never been prouder to be an American.
Because I did this.
I was a part of this.
I'm not usually a joiner, and it took a lot of talking myself up before I glommed up the courage to fill out the email form, or answer "yes" to the volunteer seeking out my help on the phone, or dial that first number or knock on that first door.
I thought I was going to vomit into my purse when I showed up for my first phonebank. And then when I told myself I was going to canvass here in red, red, "real" America.
I live in Southwest Ohio, in the town where George W. Bush had one of his Spielberg moments with a teenager named Ashley in 2004 and in a district that so overwhelmingly went for Bush in '00 and '04. This is not a target-rich environment for Democrats and casual conversations with like-minded friends had shown me that I wasn't the only one who was wary of being greeted with a shotgun once my Democratic leanings were discovered.
But when I stepped up and answered the call (or more accurately, stood up and answered the phone, and then blurted out, "okay," when the caller asked if I'd volunteer, before I lost my nerve), I didn't do so because I wanted to glory-hound, or that I thought that my super-secret-speshul mojo would ensure victory of any kind. I did so because when I thought about it, if I didn't do everything I could to see this man elected, then I would wake up on Nov. 5 and utterly regret it.
That is what I absolutely could not bear.
And when I watched the results come in, and watched them call Pennsylvania and then Ohio, and finally when they called the race, and the little rings ran up past 270, the tears were streaming down my cheeks not only because finally--oh finally, after eight long years finally!--seeing my pick be named the winner, but because my candidate had won. The guy I believed in. Believed in enough to overcome my aversion to bothering people on the phone or at their doors to politely discuss one of the most impolite subjects of discussion to ever come up between strangers, and then ask for their support.
It is because I was a real part of this great effort. I didn't just vote. Even though voting is the most important thing I did and probably the thing that matters most, the walking I did--into that office, and up and down those (few) streets (because there were other canvassers that were all. over. town. like damn and whoa.)--meant something. I changed minds and gave people who were already supporters a flash more of hope. I didn't just wring my hands and stand by while opinions swayed one way or the other. I was a part of it. So I can own a little piece of it, too. I did something about it.
Yes I did.