I couldn't resist the project suggested by a commenter on dansac's highly recommended diary (Just For Fun: Palin Spending Spree MUCH WORSE Than Thought)
yesterday. The challenge was to write a country song for Joe the Plumber's first album about Sarah's experience as a VP candidate. So here you are Joe. You can have it for free. Don't say a Democrat never gave you anything.
She came with a tribe from the land of snow
To an airport deep in Ohio.
Old man McCain had called her in
In a desperate bid to get a win.
He needed some glamour and a chromosome Y
To revive a campaign that was fixin' to die.
(Chorus)
Oh, John, poor John, what didn't you know
About the hockey mom from the land of snow?
She was mayor of Wasilla, she's a happy moose killah,
She's a diva, she's a harpy, she's a con.
There wasn't any time for background checks,
And mostly he wanted her for her sex.
Old gambler McCain was feeling lucky—
No way this roll could come up sucky.
A son in the service and beautiful girls,
It was clear that Sarah was the pearl of pearls.
(Chorus)
Sarah's legs were good to get masculine glances.
Sarah's eyes were big to see all her chances.
She thought there were things John didn't need to know
About her adventures in the land of snow.
Pretty unmarried daughter had a bun in the oven,
Sarah's church led crusades against demons and covens.
(Chorus)
First dude used her office as his personal tool
To persecute and punish an unfortunate fool.
Sarah had no knowledge of political stuff
But insisted on interviews done off the cuff.
Worst of all Sarah Palin had a powerful need
For designer clothes that she had to feed.
(Chorus)
With someone else's credit card clenched in her fist,
There wasn't any need for her to resist.
Manolo Blahniks and Vera Wangs
Flew into the closet where her camouflage hangs.
From there they disappeared so we'll never see,
Happy homeless women wearing Just Cavalli.
(Chorus)
After only a month of appearing with McCain
She decided she knew better how to run the campaign.
It soon looked grim for two thousand and eight
Even though Sarah knew how to stir up the hate.
So she focused her efforts on her own career
And in two thousand twelve she will reappear.
Oh, John, poor John, what didn't you know
About the hockey mom from the land of snow?
She was mayor of Wasilla, she's a happy moose killah,
She's a liar, she's a grifter, she's a clown.