I have struggled with homosexuality my entire adult life.
I have never been attracted to another man. But I have struggled with my views toward those who are; or toward women who are attracted to other women.
But I wish this could be a real discussion. Because as much as I hear the loud yelling, see the angry faces, and read all the upper-case writing from those who tell me that it's a shut-and-closed case of an infringement upon basic civil rights...I don't get any closer for all the screaming.
Can I tell you what goes through my mind in one day working on this issue?
I don't care to argue a case for you accepting the alternate lifestyle as a sin.
Just know that I do.
My careful analysis of the Bible tells me that God views it as a wholly unnatural act...a sin.
Even a childish overview of the human body tells me that we were created man for woman.
But that is a childish view.
What about the connection between hearts and minds that supercede the physical connection? It was the Bible afterall that said that King David loved Jonathan (his friend) "more than a man does a woman." I Samuel 20:17 says:
Jonathan repeated his pledge of love and friendship for David. He loved David more than his own soul!
Peterson, Eugene H.: The Message : The Bible in Contemporary Language. Colorado Springs, Colo. : NavPress, 2002, S.
This is not to say that David and Jonathan were gay lovers...they were not. But it is to say that great love can exist between members of the same sex that are greater than the physical act.
And so I struggle.
I was told in psychology class in school that a gay attraction was often pre-meditated by a breakdown or brokenness in a same sex relationship at an early age, and that it can also take form after early childhood abuse episode.
And I know this to be true...for some.
I have counseled individuals who have made these claims themselves. My college roommate was a closet gay, but after a few years of counseling has been happily married to someone of the opposite sex now for over 12 years. It seems like it can be an environmental issue more than a genetic one.
But I can't make that case conclusively, no one can. And I dare not say that someone is not wearing shoes when they are wearing shoes. There are obviously many gay persons who would stand up and declare that they are healthy individuals without early trauma, and that they have always felt the way they have felt.
And I believe them.
And so I struggle.
I am not sure I would ever vote to allow gay marriage. It's a difficult thing to vote against your own moral code of conduct. But isn't that sanctimonious?
Didn't Jesus Himself direct our eyes inward to our relationship with God first (Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength), and to others second (and love your neighbors as yourself).
Do I want marriage and legitimacy for my own family? Yes.
Are there bigger things for me to worry about? Yes!
Like my own heart. My hypocrisy. My inability to put others before myself. The way I can cheat on my wife by not giving her my complete attention, by letting my heart and eyes drift. By worrying about the supposed rights of others, or the "downfall" of a society, instead of the condition of my own character.
And I stop struggling a little bit.
It's not about them...it's about ME.
I encourage everyone to grow up a bit with me.
Meaning: You don't have it all figured out.
Rick Warren is a good man.
So is Barack Obama.
So is Jeremiah Wright.
So are many of you.
But when we throw around words like bigots carelessly, we not only hurt our causes, but we immediately close the ears of those whom we want to listen.
Barack Obama was right to listen to Jeremiah Wright.
He was right to be interviewed on Fox News.
He was right to ask Rick Warren to pray for his presidency.
And he will be right when he sits down with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.
I've read a lot of compelling diaries on Daily Kos that have changed, or at least altered, my opinion on a topic. The common denominator was the tone and respect for me as a Christian, and as a Republican. Or simply as someone with an opposing view.
But when you scream and yell and call me names, I cease to listen, because I know I am not who you say I am.
Someone early in my years in ministry said, "You can't preach the love of God with a clinched fist." This has always made a lot of sense to me.
It's difficult to listen to the LGBT Community or DKos members as long as they shake their fist at me.