My first (and only) rec listed diary on DKos was published three years ago this week. In it, I accused some members of this community of bigotry against Mormons. My feelings have changed a lot since that day, and I have put any serious futre involvement with the church into question. Many others have as well, including a Kossack or two who made appearances in my earlier diary. (And let me add that in spite of the fact that many of you can't understand why any progressives are Mormons, this has been a very difficult decision, similar to the death of a loved one.)
There are a lot of things that have brought me to this point, and I don't really feel like going into all of them here. But important among them is the fact that it has become exceptionally clear to me that one of the goals of the Mormon church is the furtherance of right-wing politics.
But there are progressive Mormons who have chosen to stay in the church in spite of this, and I wonder if that isn't a good thing? Meet one below.
Among the Mormons who are hanging on is Carol Lynn Pearson, a poet, playwright, actress, and author. Carol Lynn's life story is incredibly compelling. She met and married a gay Mormon man at BYU in 1966 who,
desperately wanted to do things the "right" way. He loved me and wanted a family. I loved him and knew we could make it work: all that was needed was his repentance and my love.
Here are her own words describing what happened next:
We each gave the best we had. But after twelve years of marriage and four children, it was evident we were in an impossible situation. We divorced in 1978, remained friends, and six years later I sang to him as he lay on my couch dying of AIDS. It never occurred to me that I would tell that tragic story, but seeing that I was in a position to shed light on a very misunderstood subject, I wrote Goodbye, I Love You, published in 1986 by Random House.
Carol Lynn's daughter Emily is a friend of mine, and her life story is an eerie recapitulation of her mother's. She too married a gay man at BYU, had children, and watched the marriage fall apart. Her ex is Steven Fales, whom many of you may know from his play Confessions of a Mormon Boy, and who has also been a friend of mine, though we are rarely in contact these days.
In the aftermath of her failed marriage, Emily has left the LDS church. But miraculously enough her mom hasn't, as far as I know.
At any rate, both Emily and Carol Lynn have written very powerfully about Prop 8. Carol Lynn was partially quoted in the Salt Lake Tribune. Her full statement is available on her daughter's blog:
My mother was quoted a few weeks ago in the Tribune, but only part of what she said was published. Here is the actual quote, in its entirety.
"I remember such great lessons in Mutual [Mormon youth group] about being very careful whom we associated with. 'Don’t expect to play in the coal bin and not come out dirty.' 'You will be judged by the company you keep.' I am so grieved to see whom my church has chosen as friends in this campaign to pass Proposition 8. We have gotten into bed with some of the most extreme of the "Religious Right," some of whom are well known as hate mongers. This was not a mutually affectionate liaison. We have been raped by organizations that hate the Mormons but love our money and our energy. We have been raped, and now are we pregnant with their fear and their hate? Much of the rhetoric we use they have put in our mouths, based more in fear than in fact. I have never before in my church observed the pain and the divisiveness and the fear that I am seeing now–fear of embracing the homosexual enemy, fear of ourselves being seen as disloyal if we don’t join in. It is very hard for me to see this happen in my church."
[emphasis mine]
Carol Lynn nails it here. The only thing that these "hate mongers" hate more than Mormons is homosexuals. Just wait. They'll come for the Mormons again (they already have, many times).
Seeing my church choose this political issue to accent rather than hunger, peace, and poverty, that is, the issues that Jesus emphasized, is more than I can take. I won't give money or time to an organization that gets it so wrong when there are so many that get it so right.
And yet.
Once when I was talking to a non-LDS friend about leaving the church, she said, "I'm glad you're there, because you are much more able to influence the church from the inside." This idea struck me, and I think it is probably true, not just for Mormons, but for any progressive, thoughtful person in a conservative organization.
So, as much as I admire the people who have had the guts to sign on at signingforsomething.org, I think that when change comes to Mormonism, it will likely come from within, and that means that those that can stomach it should stay, and that the rest of us should be grateful for their sacrifices.