Congratulations, you're almost there USA, one House short of totally screwing yourself to oblivion with that FISA business. As your friendly neighbor from up north, I am so happy. Yes Siree Bob.
To know that when I get out of my igloo, jump start my caribou and gallop to my nearest telephone pole, the wonderful deep-fried hockey puck recipe I want to share with a friend in the States will be monitored by some freaking spook who has no fucking clue what "gardien de but" means makes me channel Joss Whedon.
Numfar, do the Dance Of Swill !
That's right, Swill as in Strongly Worded Letter, or SWL for the acronym-obsessed. Oh how potent that SWL is. Many pints of SWL were served in recent months, and what a party that made. In fact, that party was so Democratic that when the nerds invited the jocks and cheerleaders to the party, they simply refused to go. So of course, more SWL was served, in the hope that they would show up because, hey, nerds are so nice and civil and all, but it wasn't potent enough. See, the jocks and cheerleaders who wear this jacket
like to get drunk on strong stuff, not SWL. And when they're drunk enough, they like to set motherfucking roofs on fire, or take a leak on hopelessly flooded dorm room floors.
Nerds are not the only ones who like SWL though. No Siree Bob. In fact, a great percentage of the rest of the population on the campus likes SWL as much, if not more that the nerds. Here are two samples of SWL bottles I found on the campus:
As a very strident Obama supporter, and a young woman, Schuster's comment upsets me deeply. My reaction was immediate, palpable, emotional. I will sending an email to...someone...to express my feelings about this.
and
Senator Reid,
I am writing you today in the hopes that you might consider retiring as Senate Majority leader. From today’s FISA votes, and the senseless rules which you have agreed to in this voting, I have become increasingly convinced that you do not have the best interest of the American people at heart. Personally, I believe that adherence to the Constitution and the separation of powers are critically important for a stable functioning government for the people (not the corporations). That includes a respect of the 4th Amendment.
While I understand that you are unlikely to read this email, let alone ponder how your actions are detrimental to Democracy in America, I feel compelled to express my opinion on this matter. I would consider writing similar letters to other "leaders" in the current Executive branch, but with your unconscionable compromises on FISA, they are probably reading this email anyway. Thanks, but no thanks.
A Democrat Ashamed of my Party.
Oh yeah, I can definitely feel the potency of that SWL coursing through my veins, so potent that even the nerds won't drink it. Even though bottles after bottles after bottles were sent to their fraternities. No wonder the jocks and cheerleaders are laughing their asses off, for once, in bipartisan unison with the nerds.
"But, but, but, we need better SWL" says the population on campus. "Maybe then, the nerds will finally party hard.", they cry in harmony. No, the nerds will party hard when you take away their most cherished possession:
Take away their Poney, a very common Washington pet that feeds on Power and Money. It might be common, but man do they love that beast. When they sit on it, higher than everybody else on campus grounds, it makes them nerds feel near invincible and pretty deaf. Lack of oxygen at high altitude you see: It makes angry voices harder to hear, and the SWL even less palatable to them.
So don't take away the Poney of only the nerds who should receive more cases of SWL to get the party going. No, deny it to every motherfucking last one of them (Thank you Tarantino). Only then will you get the party you deserve, and not fuck up the one we Canucks are having upstairs. Our swill always tested better anyway.
P.S The comments I grabbed above are in no way, shape or form a dig at the people who wrote them. I chose them for the way they were worded, and inspired me some of the ideas for this diary.