Of all the dirty Clinton tricks, this has got to be the lowest.
I just got off the phone with Bill Clinton. I thought my friends were playing a joke on me at first, but it turns out it really was him. "Hey, buddy," he said in his familiar southern drawl. "I've been noticing that you've been down on Hillary over on Daily Kos. You ever thought about a little balance in your comments? Maybe you could write a quick pro-Hillary diary for me to kind of balance things out."
He explained that, even though Daily Kos is 90% or so in favor of Obama, there is nothing in the rules against influencing diarists to swith their positions. "Besides, look at how good the 90's were for you," he continued. "You got a lot of great contracts, got married with a family, and you ditched that old Honda Accord you had. You know, the '85 with 300,000 miles on it and that funny smell in the backseat. That was disgusting, am I right?" He chuckled a little. "Point is, the '90's were full of prosperity for you. Least you can do is repay the favor."
I balked originally, and that's when he pulled out the big guns: Guam. "You could be the new ambassador to Guam under the Clinton administration with a good old Obama smear diary," he said.
"You're a captain, I can tell by your username, and they really respect a man in uniform. Nice weather, pretty girls, awesome food. You'll love the Chamorro food - you won't believe all the things they can do with a banana!" I pointed out that Guam was a U.S. territory, and so didn't need an ambassador, and then he said "OK, you can be King of Guam. Whatever. You know what I meant." Then he started talking about his 20 sock puppet accounts he could use to get my diary to the top of the rec list. I then hung up the phone.
Friends, do not be led astray. The Clintons will stop at nothing to win this nomination. And why shouldn't they? Hillary has hundreds of years more experience than Obama. His heath care system will randomly euthanize people. And Hillary will be able to beguile foreign leaders with her womanly ways. Yay, Hillary!