The Republican National Committee [RNC] this week announced the nominees for 2008's coveted "Most Liberal Man Alive" award, expected to be handed out during the last week in August, barring any disclosures which allow for an earlier presentation; say, if Hillary's love letters to Vince Foster are finally unearthed or Barack Obama is heard muttering, "Damn! I brought my Koran instead of the Bible!" in church one morning.
Mike Duncan, chairman of the RNC, was particularly thrilled by this year's candidates for the award, noting, "For the first time in the history of this award, the two final contestants - Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton - actually reflect the two main constituencies of the liberal party: racial minorities and neo-nazi feminists. We may even have to change the title to reflect 'Most Liberal WOMAN Alive,' but really, we probably wouldn't do that; lesbians don't really get classified as 'female,' do they? No, really... do they?"
Once the award winner is chosen, the RNC says they will use their vast PR machine to publicize their selection, hoping to reach into the homes of millions of Americans over several months, with the FOX Network already pledging to keep a small icon of the award with the name of the winner down in the lower corner of the TV screen on all broadcasts through the early part of November, or until any special actions before the U.S. Supreme Court have been concluded.
Previous winners of this prestigious award include:
- John Kerry
- Al Gore
- Bill Clinton
- Walter Mondale
- Jimmy Carter
- George McGovern
- Hubert Humphrey
- Lyndon Johnson
- John F. Kennedy
- Adlai Stevenson
- Harry Truman
- Franklin D. Roosevelt