This primary season has had a much more personal impact on our family than have any before. Impacts that intersect race, gender and sexual orientation. As a family of two fathers raising an African American daughter and with the two Democratic front-runners being an African-American man and a woman, the race could not have been anything but momentous in our family.
Both my partner and I supported Barack Obama early on. It was generally quiet support, an occasional online donation. The McClurkin incidence came and I wavered. But after his speeches where, in front of hostile (to gay rights) audiences, he spoke forcefully for our rights and after looking at his positions (supports the complete repeal of DOMA), we came to support him strongly.
Our daughter, 5 years old, had other ideas.
(crossposted toDaddy, Papa & me and Family Equality Council Blog)
Early on she saw a photo of Hillary Clinton and decided that she was her candidate. When I asked her why she liked her over all the others (at this point she had seen many of the dozen or so candidates on TV or newspaper and we explained to her what was going on), she explained it was because she wore a pretty dress. We took that to mean that because of the dozen candidates, she was the one that was a woman.
Her desire to see Hillary Clinton as president became so strong, she started to get upset when I put a poster of Obama up in our window or the bumpersticker on our car. Most of the parents at her school were Obama supporters, and their kids were talking about it alot. It seemed to be the topic of conversation in kindergarten. Emma would "campaign" for "her president" on the sidewalk, asking kids who they were "voting for" and proudly tell them she was a Hillary supporter. Emma would come home and say "So and so is voting for MY candidate!" to let us know she wasn't alone. She'd ask when it was she got to vote. We explained to her that children couldn't vote and she wasn't very happy about that.
Every time she saw something with Obama's photo or name (she could read it by now), she would say "I want my president!"
We support her in this desire. We want her to grow up to be a strong woman and realize that women can be in positions of power and leadership. So, when one day she noticed a front-page photo of Clinton on Newsweek, she wanted it. We let her (well, she insisted) tear off the cover and tape it to her wall. Later she decided it need to go to the front door since Obama's poster was in the window, so she moved it.
When it came to primary day here in California, I told her that even though she couldn't vote, if she wrote Clinton's name down with her name, I'd take it to the vote takers and tell them that my daughter wanted Clinton. She did it, and I did.
Then later that day I was going out to get people out to vote by walking the street. She wanted to go to for "her president." So, without our knowledge, she got a stick out from her room, took the the Newsweek cover down from the door and taped to it the stick. So, we went out on our street corner and she campaigned. That is the photo you see at the beginning of the article.
We are attempting to ease her in into the possibility that either of them can become the candidate and that WE like both of them. That Clinton would be a good president, as would Obama and either of them would be much better (in our opinion) than the man they'd have to run against.
Unfortunately, I had an experience earlier where she told me that "A man like her couldn't be president." She had already gathered something from somewhere that people of color can’t be president. There is a part of me that wants to prove her wrong :), to prove a lot of people wrong. I’m hoping that she’ll see that isn’t true. If not this year, in her lifetime.
But either way, in the end, if either of them wins the election, it will be a great thing for our daughter. We've shown her this photo, and she likes the fact that the first-family would include daughters that, as she says, "look like her."
So, this family is rooting for either Clinton or Obama to win the election because if they do it will be a huge boon for our family in real-life policy (repeal of DOMA, better supreme court justices, no attacks from the presidential bully pulpit on our family). In fact, I think we'll go to the White House Egg Roll in celebration in 2009, instead of protest like we did in 2006 (wouldn't that be wonderful!).
And a boon in other ways. No matter who wins, our daughter (and we) will have someone to look up to who is the head of this country, a leader, who looks like her, either a woman or a man of color. She'll spend the next formative eight years (two terms ;) of her life (she'll be 14!) knowing that someone like her can hold one of the most powerful positions on earth.
We are still campaigning for Obama, but we'll work for Clinton if she gets the nomination. (and in the meantime we are very careful never to criticize her within earshot of our daughter! ;).
And hopefully the next 8 years will be very different for our family and our families than the previous 8.