At least, I'm pretty sure I am. And if you own any corporate stock, chances are that you're a slaveowner too. Shocked? Confused? Me too. Follow me below the fold for a brief explanation.
A corporation, as we all should know, is an entity which is owned by its joint shareholders. Now it gets interesting. In the late 19th century the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that corporations have the same rights as people under the fourteenth amendment. In other words, a corporation is legally a person.Now it gets really interesting. When one person owns another person, the one who is owned is, by definition, the slave of his or her owner.
I am not a lawyer nor a legal scholar, so perhaps someone who is might be able to explain to me how it is that a corporation can, under the law, be recognized as a "Person", even though it is, simultaneously,the owned property of other person(s). This situation reminds me of the period in history when slave owners wanted their property to be counted as people by the census in order for slave states to gain more seats in congress, but did not want their property to be taxed as such, resulting in a shameful compromise that allowed each slave to be counted as three-fifths of a person.
Seriously, though, I'm wondering if the ridiculous fiction of corporate personhood has ever been legally challenged, and if so, with what success? How can a corporation be a person, especially seeing as how a person cannot be legally owned? Should I divest myself of my minuscule 401k holdings, or should I be out shopping for whips and chains?