I have to admit it; I'm really a Republican and a conservative. But, like so many Republicans of my age, I am in despair at the gang of authoritarians and proto-fascists who have taken over the party, abused its defining principles, and made the party of my past unrecognizable. So, like many of my peers, I'm looking and hoping for others to join me in re-creating my party, a new Republican party that harks back to our great leaders of the past.
Here are our bedrock principles...
Like Eisenhower, we will spend money wisely to invest in infrastructure that will add value many times over to the commons. We will favor the needy over armaments, echoing his "cross of iron" speech no less than his prescient warning about the military-industrial complex.
Like Nixon, we will recognize the importance of the environment with a strong EPA, and will call for universal health insurance. We will sit down with our greatest adversaries.
Like Reagan, we will express clear-eyed optimism and the idea that anything is possible, not a dark pessimism about a world of danger.
Like the elder Bush, we will identify the federal deficit as one of our greatest threats, and will promise to spend the "peace dividend" on our own people.
Like his son, we will prize compassion and a humble foreign policy.
And then how could we forget history's greatest Republican, the man who risked everything in the cause of equal rights for all of God's children.
Together we will take all the best from our party of the past and form a new, inclusive party dedicated to all that is good in our history. We'll call it The New Republic... oh, wait. How about celebrating our focus on people: "The Democrat Party"... oh, wait. Damn.