I wrote this a couple of weeks ago. It is cross-posted from the blog The Outlet, a very cool new blog by the folks at Liquid Words Productions. According to the editors there, it's had quite a few readers, and I thought I'd post it here.
Many of my fellow Kossacks will appreciate much of this, while many others will be pissed off. Regardless, I hope you enjoy it.
The original title was "My Predictions for 2008 and Beyond," the February topic for contributers to the blog.
We’ll begin with a disclaimer. These are not predictions about my personal life, of which I expect nothing but continued wonder, joy, and happiness. Rather, these are social and political predictions; a forecast of what I see coming for 2008.
None of these predictions are based off much more than my own personal subjective observations. Therefore, any of these could wind up being wrong. While I used to be concerned about being wrong, however, I am not anymore. After all, there’s money to be made in being wrong. Remember all the pundits in the media who championed the U.S. invasion of Iraq? They all still have their jobs, many have been promoted, and many received million-dollar book deals. Remember those journalists and scholars who warned against the invasion? Most of them got fired. So much for the merit system.
With that, let’s get into it.
Likely Predictions for 2008:
• George W. Bush will serve out the remainder his term unscathed. He will not be held accountable for his long record of crimes and violations of the Constitution. To pick just one: lying to the public in order to sell an invasion of a sovereign country, resulting in the deaths of thousands of Americans and probably over 1 million Iraqis. Impeachment will become a constitutional joke, reserved for those who violate traditional sexual norms. Had Bush been caught having sex with a 17 year-old boy, we’d have us some impeachment, and it would be damned tasty. We’d also have President Cheney, but that’s pretty much the case already.
• Dick Cheney will also serve out his second term as Presid – sorry, that’s Vice-President – unchallenged and unscathed. After January 2009, he’ll likely take his old job back at Halliburton. The company’s new motto will be: "Just because it’s under their sand doesn’t mean the oil isn’t ours!"
• The television news media, especially cable news, will continue to cover the presidential campaign as they have done thus far: like the cast of Mean Girls doing color commentary for the Super Bowl. There will be hours and hours of coverage without a single mention of the candidates’ policy proposals, or the likely consequences of those proposals. Instead, we will learn about who voted for which candidate (white women for Candidate X, black men for Candidate Y), whether or not Candidate D’s speech will result in higher approval ratings, and who’s ahead and who’s behind. By chance if it is your desire to be stupid, watch five hours of CNN’s campaign coverage. You’ll know less about the candidates than you did before you started.
• Chris Matthews of MSNBC will continue to speak about women as if it was 1950 and he’s a horny Teamster with attention-deficit-disorder. He will remain a misogynistic prick, and thus remain gainfully employed.
• Lou Dobbs of CNN will continue to blame Mexicans and "Communist China" for everything from our trade deficit to our invasion of Iraq to his awful, awful hair. Remember – if Lou Dobbs has gas, it’s the goddamned illegal immigrants’ fault.
• Nancy Grace of CNN will continue to display her hatred of our basic right of due process under the law, and her "legal" coverage will continue to ignore the crimes of those earning more than $40,000 per year – unless the perpetrator is a celebrity.
• FOX News will reach a tipping point in its programming. By the end of the year, over 50% of its news coverage will involve softcore pornography. The positions of anchors and commentators will be restricted to applicants who have undergone a lobotomy. Candidates from both parties will continue to regard FOX as a legitimate news network.
• Millions of Americans will continue to live in or near poverty, and millions more gamble their lives by going without health care. This will be good for the economy, however, because it creates what economists call a "flexible labor market." That’s a fancy way of saying that working people are scared shitless of losing their job, and their fear will keep them compliant and obedient, willing to work longer hours for less pay. Yes, that’s a good thing.
• Abetted by a compliant and gutless Congress, businesses across America will continue to intimidate, harass, and fire workers who organize or support the organization of a union. It was 6,000 cases per year in 1969, and now we’re at almost 25,000 per year and rising. Millions more workers will understandably shun unionization out of fear of losing their jobs. The mainstream media will ignore this completely. When unions are discussed, it will be in the context of how "workers don’t seem to want to join unions."
• Millions of young Americans will graduate from high school this June. On average, they will know less than the previous generation, and have lower literacy rates than previous generations. They will also have a much harder time affording higher education. Most of these young people will graduate knowing little or nothing about the political system in which they are expected to participate, other than they want nothing to do with it. They graduate having never studied how to organize in their community or workplaces, or how to run for office. Indeed, over 30% of them will agree, if presented with the question, to give up their right to vote for life in return for free tuition. We urge them to be good citizens, and yet at the same time deny them the necessary tools. That’s no accident.
• Millions of Americans will go to the polls this November, eager to move the country forward, past the misery of the Bush years and into a bright, progressive future. The winner of the election will take the oath of office, and then govern like a cross between President George W. Bush and President Bill Clinton. In other words, like a Republican. More countries will be invaded and bombed, and long-discredited conservative economic policies will be reintroduced as the savior of all our troubles. They will be implemented and will work wonderfully for the top 5%. Happy days are here again!
Equally Probable, Yet Markedly Different Predictions for 2008:
• Some of the forgotten millions living in our decaying urban areas will stop waiting for government to act, for the General Motors plant to reopen. Instead, they will organize with others in their neighborhoods and seize abandoned homes, transforming them into shelters, storage for food, art galleries, or simply free living space. Vacant lots will be cleaned and cleared, No Trespassing – Private Property signs will be kicked over and used for kindling, and the resurgence of community gardens will continue. When the owners show up to claim their long-ignored property, 80-year old women with shotguns and shovels will drive them off.
• Thousands of Americans will wake up one morning and say to themselves "Holy shit! I just realized that gay marriage has no more effect on me than someone having blue eyes! You know Martha, these ‘traditional marriage’ folks are really messed up!" Martha probably knew that already, but progress is progress.
• Hundreds, perhaps thousands of Americans will begin breaking the law in healthy, life-affirming ways. They will find new ways to download free music, they will liberate food and goods from big box stores, write "Obesity is Delicious!" on soda machines, and leave subversive messages on the backs of DVDs in Blockbuster. For example: a sticker on the back of the testosterone-torture-flick Saw that reads "Warning: Recent Studies Show That Viewing This Film Will Lead to Erectile Dysfunction."
• More and more workers will stop waiting for government, stop believing their boss can be persuaded to be decent, stop waiting for the National Labor Relations Board (by now, a tool of employers), and begin to take direct action in the workplace to secure their rights.
• Thousands of Americans, young and old, of all backgrounds, will finally begin to ignore the trials and tribulations of celebrities. Instead, they will turn their attention and efforts toward creating their own spaces for artistic expression and development. Thousands more will pick up an instrument for the first time and learn to play – not for dreams of wealth and stardom, but for the sheer joy of playing music.
• Many Americans will stop seeing those risking death to cross our southern border as "Mexicans," "illegals," or "aliens," and begin seeing them for what they are – human beings, doing precisely what we would do in their position.
• Millions of women, emboldened by the successes of previous generations, will fight back harder against aggressors, speak up louder against persecution, harassment, and sexism, and take greater strides in reclaiming their right to determine their own destiny. Thousands of men (though nowhere near enough), awakened from the sickening fantasy of male supremacy, will join them.
• Many Americans will move further towards questioning and challenging all authority. The authority of their priest, rabbi, and mullah; the authority of their boss, the banks, and the insurance companies; the authority of government; the authority of tradition and myth; all of these will be challenged, and all of them will be found to be illegitimate.
To be sure, these developments are harder to see than the ones listed above. We have to look carefully, take the time to explore our communities, and venture into unfamiliar territory in order to find them. But they are there. And there’s always room for us to join in.
It is these latter predictions that make up the 2008 I’m focused on and looking forward to. The rest of the year can go to hell.