With apologies to David Letterman:
- Dueling celebrity endorsements: the Oprah Bon Jovi showdown—I’ll take one Scarlett Johansson for a Howard Stern
- Money bomb competition: who cares if my daughter gets a retainer if we can beat Clinton/Obama
- Despairing of learning rules for Texas primary, primary and Caucasus, delegate selection process
- Saying I will be happy with any of the candidates until it hurts
- Conflicting delegate counts: "No, my candidate is ahead."
- Cherry picking polls to elevate mood—when really desperate will even use Zogby
- Distinguishing between real and manufactured insults
- Cult contest: Will the real cult stand up?
- Yearning for mixed with anger at Al Gore
- Push Polls