If Machiavelli was right:
Politics is a dirty business akin to mucking out stables, always has been, is now and will continue to be, and good people have no place in it, for it is obvious that everybody who runs for office is a no good, rotten, lying politician. If not already, give them time. The stakes are simply too high. Politicians, like underwear, should be changed regularly, this is why we vote more than once a lifetime. Historically, it has been an American custom to send politicians to Washington in order to get them as far away from home as possible. It is a custom worth continuing.
And this is why assholes make such great politicians. To begin with, if you send an asshole to Washington you won't miss them. Second, if they're already corrupt you run no risk of having them corrupted. And finally, an admitted asshole will never disappoint you because you knew he was an asshole from in front.
As any five year old child should know, once elected, a politician will do whatever they want to whether you like it or not, because they already have your money and your vote, that's how they got elected in the first place. Therefore the only realistic option for you is to vote for someone you know is an asshole to begin with, so that you will actually get what you expected, and who knows? You might even get what you need, because that asshole might not be as dumb as you thought, after all nobody's perfect. One thing is for sure, some asshole will get elected, for it is a self-evident truth that no American president has ever been elected who didn't qualify in somebody's book as an asshole.
Unfortunately, there have been many recent cases of supporters of both Democratic contenders becoming disaffected with the process and opting to withdraw all support of the Democratic Party should their candidate lose. They do this in the name of 'Ethical Standards.' But this is naïve and foolish at a time when one should be cynical and cunning. Now don't get me wrong, I am 125% in favor of ethical standards. Everyone should have them. Those who don't have ethical standards don't know what they're missing. In fact, most of them don't miss them at all. But I digress. The truth of the matter is, if Machiavelli was right, applying ethical standards to politics is a lot like putting butter on your saddle and then riding in the Kentucky Derby. It is a thing you should be very sparing with.
And so good people (for you are good people) I urge you to reconsider your decisions, whatever they may be. After all, we have gathered here for essentially one purpose, to make the next president a Democratic president. Anything else is gravy. So if you can't elect your own asshole, put aside your paralytic purity and be corrupt enough to vote for your neighbor's asshole. We're all Americans and we have a constitutional right to be assholes, so it only makes sense to elect an asshole to represent us as long as they're a Democratic asshole.
And anybody who doesn't agree with me is a you know what.