I subscribed to the McCain campaign's e-mail newsletter to do a little oppo research. It's always interesting to get the other guy's stuff straight out of the pipe. I was surprised by today's missive, which I post here for your perusal.
To all John McCain Supporters
My Friends:
It’s heartening to know that real Americans will continue to support Bush/Cheney’s track record of war profiteering, torture, and utter indifference to the constitution. I promise to continue this brave and important legacy as America fights its war against global jihadist fascism (or is that fascist global jihadism, or jihadist global fascism?) Anyway, we’ve got a lot of enemies out there, and one thing we know is that they don’t look like us! In fact, the other side is so dumb that they might even have a candidate who not only looks like them; his name is just like one of
theirs.
If you support me, you’re obviously easy to mislead and lie to. Those are some of my specialties! Rest assured, the Bush team has done a super job setting the stage for more ill-advised, under-funded foreign incursions driven by deceit and fear-mongering. Plus, I’ve mastered the art of rallying people around false patriotism, so we can easily question the loyalty of anyone who opposes us. It’s great to operate from a position of strength! I might even bring back terror alerts – remember them?
Sure, radical hate-mongering fundamentalist preachers like John Hagee can support me, but the press loves me, so nobody will ask me about it. And I can always appeal to our fundamentalist base and their shallow beliefs, despite having dumped my first wife as soon as a suitable upgrade came along, and then used my political pull to cover up her drug abuse and felonious theft of narcotics! It’s always OK if you’re a Republican!
Chuck Keating – remember him? Well I sure don’t, and you shouldn’t either.
Don’t forget – I’m a reformer! McCain-Feingold and all that...Of course I have no intention to actually abide by that law—it doesn’t suit me. And nobody would ever accuse a great maverick like me of being unethical, right?
I’m so glad my dear friend President Bush pushed for immunity for the phone companies that broke the surveillance laws. Guess what? He said he’d let my campaign listen in on my opposition. Of course that’s all a state secret, so you didn’t hear it from me, OK?
A John McCain presidency will rock! We’ll get at least three Supreme Court nominees in the Scalia/Thomas mold. Goodbye forever to that nasty old Roe v. Wade. Plus, we’ll have more tax cuts for all the brave risk-taking capitalists who are now spending their profits on oil and gasoline market speculation instead of investing in job creation. And you can count on taxpayer-funded bailouts for all the poor hedge fund investors victimized by all the middle-class deadbeats who didn’t pay their mortgages. You know what we say: Privatize the profits and socialize the losses. It’s the Republican way!
God Bless You and God Bless the USA!
Senator John McCain