First some background info. I have a miserable cold and woke up in a very bad mood. This entire diary is therefore 100% snark. On to some news stories I expect to see any day.
Headline: Bush says Declaration of Independence is out of date.
While rooting around in the documents prepared by the founding fathers, President Bush discovered there are some areas of the Declaration of Independence which require signing statements. The whole inalienable rights sentence has now been modified to read among these are life for those in vitro, liberty except when talking on the phone and the pursuit of happiness for multi-nationals and their execs.
Headline: Hillary forms Ohio for Clinton Party.
Realizing she can't win the democratic primary, Hillary Clinton forms her own party. Sources close to the former democrat say she has her eye on Joe Lieberman for VP. In an interview one of her supporters said 'We're glad she did it. The Democratic Party is nothing but a cult.'