I would just like to take the occasion of International Women's Day to point out all the times that Hillary has saved the world. If it weren't for all the pro-Obama bias in the media, I wouldn't have to do this. But it is the role of the blogsphere to make up for the shortcomings of the professional journalist, to fill the silences, as it were.
It is truly astounding how many times Hillary Clinton has saved the world. Only her admirable restraint at blowing her own trumpet has kept her from telling us all about it.
Since other diarists have already begun looking into the particulars of Hillary's more modest claims, I will confine my efforts to her less know contributions to, well, everything. I hope my gentle readers will contribute their own stories and examples of how Hillary Clinton is the reason why they're alive today.
Her birth in October of 1947 made possible the General Agreement of Tariffs and Trade, and also led quickly to the end of the Indo-Pakistani war the following year.
Without her uncoordinated infant gesticulations, the death toll from the earthquake in the Chilean Andes could have been much, much higher.
The following year, the contents of her diapers may or may not have had nothing to do with Burma's successful bid for independence. But by early summer, she was certainly peripheral to Malaysian efforts against communist insurgents.
1949 found the two-year-old Hillary taking a break from the exhausting world of foreign affairs, but by January of the following year she came roaring back. In fact, her unsteady steps may have lurched temporarily in the direction of Jerusalem as the Israeli Knesset declared that fabled city the capital of Israel. Truly a moving event. Shortly after her third birthday, Hillary's indirect participation in the Jayuya Uprising began her long and sometimes controversial involvement in Puerto Rican nationalism.
Flash forward to March of 1953 when, as the young but formidable Hillary Clinton was baking a batch of oatmeal cookies, Josef Stalin was felled by a stroke, dying four days later. Foreign leaders doubt Hillary Clinton's skills in the kitchen at their own peril.
Meanwhile, back in the fifth century, Hillary may or may not have contributed to the formation of the mighty military alliance that finally defeated Attila the Hun at the Battle of Chalons. One participant, who later died of his wounds in that affair, said
"AAAAAUUUUUGGGGGHHHHH!!!!! My arm! MY ARM!!! WHAT HAPPENED TO MY ARM!?!?!"
Wolfson was quick to make the historical reference, but the pro-Obama media probably didn't tell you about that one, did they?
Well, it's almost time for John McCain's nap, so I'll leave it to my gentle readers to fill in the rest of Hillary Clinton's exploits on the world stage.
Thank you, and may God bless.
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