This is a diary about how I came to vote for Obama.
My background, Female, African American, 49 yrs old.
Now before some of you get your dreads into a twist, I was not always an Obama supporter. He earned my vote.
In the beginning of this process, I was sure enough going to vote for Hillary. I did not have a pause about it. Mixed up in my myth of Hillary was her strength to stand by her husband, Bill, when he was Impeached, her attempt at changing how Healthcare worked, her work as Senator from New York and what I thought at the time, one smart lady. It was no contest for me.
I knew she voted for the war, I really didn't like it, not one bit, but I understood that the country was swept up with this whole Bush war thing and well, I was willing to let it pass. It was very lazy of me.
But then she lost Iowa and I blinked. Then I saw who she lost it to and I literally went, who is he?
Contrary to many people's and the MSM's belief, this African American and most I know of in my family and friends do not vote for people because they are also African American. That is an insult. I would be lying to say that I do not give them a double take, but qualifications matter to me as well.
So he won Iowa and I started paying attention. Hillary must have lost for a reason and I wanted to find out why and I wanted to find who this Obama person was.
But first I heard that Hillary was not happy with the caucuses. Having never been to a caucus or not really knowing what they were, I had to find out. I did not do so right away because there was still plenty of time before Pennsylvania. (But to date I found about them, especially during Texas, and I think that they are very interesting. I am not sure if we should keep them, but it really does seem to excite the voters.)
The next time I paid close attention to the election was South Carolina. I read some things that Bill Clinton said about Jesse Jackson winning there and really, it did not phase me at all. But I did notice that some folks were really bent out of shape about it. Nevertheless, I still had not made a firm choice except to commit to watch this process much closer. I found stuff on Youtube, the "Yes we can" video was wonderful, well done and made me smile. I thought to myself, I like that. And again I went, who is this guy. (No, I don't live under a rock, I just live far from the beaten path.)
So...the election moves along and Hillary says some things that I think are a bit negative but generally par for the course and I began to feel it was just a bit tiresome. That was a first. I believe it may be that after 8 years of GWB, I was entirely over Rovian politics. It does no good for the country and we are in a bad way now. We need something different from what we had, because it has not worked. Surely she could do better than that and all I heard from Obama was his message of change which I actually liked and agreed with. So I did some more digging and I thought, his message was something I could get onboard with. In fact, I became down right excited about it.
And then Hillary went and made that ad about the Commander in Chief threshold and dissed (insulted) Obama while standing next to John McCain, praising the Republican. I did a few blinks and went, "Oh no she didn't just do that." And sure enough it was not a dream but she had. Now I am thinking to myself, why would a Democrat do that? She could have made her point in many different ways without insulting Obama or praising McCain. What is up with that? I certainly did not like how her campaign was proceeding. It turned me off in a big way. So this was the moment where Hillary became even less appealing to me and Obama much more. It was not about race or gender, it was just my reaction to her campaign ad and the message that she was giving out there, with a smile. I was appalled. Very appalled.
Obama continued his campaign and I went to his web site, read interviews, read blogs, not just Daily Kos but many and I picked up the buzz about both of their campaigns. I watched his campaigning on You Tube and I really got a sense of his message. I admired he and his wife greatly. I read about Rezko, his NAFTA stance and he was still leading in my regard as Hillary was fast falling behind. A funny niggling feeling about her war vote kept returning like a bad spicy pepperoni pizza. I became less happy with it and generally I thought her campaign was weak and seemingly unorganized. Did I want this person for President? This began my 'Hell no!' moment.
Then Wright happened and I was in a tizzy. I was so mortified after seeing the whole video that people were reacting to it the way they did. Well at least the media. But my experience in the world and in the country did not make that video seem all that untrue and it reinforced my feelings that 'white' America and 'black' America looked out through very different glasses when we should be looking out with the same glasses. I was in despair and then Obama gave that speech in Philadelphia and I cried twice as I watched it. It was beautiful and so much of what I believed to be true from my life experiences. I thought what an American gem he is. I want him to be President. We need something different because the GWB's way was failing fast before my eyes and I really believe that Obama means what he says. He is not as left as I, but I could live with it. I felt good and thought, we could win this, certainly everyone could see his brilliance and that he was certainly very capable of running this country. His campaign was just excellent compared to Hillary's... Hillary. (sigh)
Geraldine Ferraro was a shock to me. So I guess if I felt that way about her, then I began to understand how some people took Wright's words. It shocked them. Both were so raw and brought up things that were never said in mixed company. But it was out there and that is better than it simmering inside.
Back to Hillary - her unorganized campaign, her lies and reneging on her agreement with the DNC to not count Florida and Michigan. Her big donors trying to pressure the DNC and her misguided statements about which States counted and which didn't. Her always talking about delegates, pledged, unpledged, super duper ones etc and again her 'mispokes,' they do not give me any confidence that she would make a good President. Her excuses, the blame game. Bill on Rush Limbaugh's radio show. Carvill calling Richardson a Judas. Her campaign's habit of going on Fox News was another blow against her. What was she thinking? At least for me, that network was just the propaganda outlet for Bush's Administration. And later to hear Rendall say that it was fair and balanced? I was appalled again and could only shake my head, mystified. What are they thinking?
And I don't care what anyone says, 800,000 paid to an Impeached President, disbarred lawyer for 4 speeches in Colombia just seems like influence peddling to me. Especially with his wife as a Senator and her seemingly fast track to become the next President. 50,000,000 dollars in 7 years is alot of money for 'just words'. That is how it looked to me.
Between feeling happy that I am supporting Obama, I feel sadness concerning Hillary Clinton. (This is sadness after being really angry at her.) She could have been a contender, but her campaign was just not prepared for what Democrats wanted or for Barack Obama. Micro-trends may work for business, but we are a country at a crossroads with a people wanting something that uplifts us from the mire that is GWB and his hateful politics. And the hope for change is real. And Hillary just didn't get that. And it shows.
It is not about race or gender, it is about who would be best to lead our country. Hillary lost my vote between South Carolina and the Texas delegate count. Obama earned my vote in Philadelphia.
Words do matter. If Hillary had better 'true' ones, she probably would be doing better.
This is my perspective on the primary race. It is not because Hillary is a woman, that I did not vote for her, it is because her campaign is a mess, unfocused and not in tune to what I think the country needs. She had my vote and lost it. As simple as that and she cannot blame anyone else but herself. America is ready for a woman President, but my personal opinion is that Hillary Clinton is not prepared enough to be President. If she ran the White House like she has run her campaign, then I think we would be in a load of trouble.
PS My husband says that this post is rambling, I suppose it is. Sorry. But now I must feed him :)
Updated: Oh my goodness! Thanks for reccing me :)