Hi kids!
We all know this whole Iraq thing is kind of scary. It seems complicated, hard to explain, and even harder to predict.
Well, we have good news. When you've done this lesson, Iraq will be easy to understand and predict. And all we have to do is put on our thinking caps, and follow the Golden Rule. That's where we imagine how we would feel if we were in the same situation as someone else, so we know how to behave and whether we're being mean or unfair.
It's going to be take LOTS of imagination, but any kid can do it. (Grownups may find it harder.) And when we're done, we'll know just how Iraqis think, and even what they'll do next. That could even save lives!
Ready? To think like an Iraqi in 2003, IMAGINE your country has a really terrible president -- the worst ever! Imagine he was world famous for torturing people, starting wars, and breaking the law -- and for the deaths of thousands of his own people. But somehow he stayed president for longer than anyone thought possible. (I TOLD you this took imagination!)
Now Imagine someone very powerful came to rescue us from this very bad man. ...
Imagine we're being rescued by the leader of Russia, a World Superpower - Mr. Putin. Putin sends his Russian army to rescue us from our terrible, evil president so the torture, killing, threats and war will stop.
Soon our bad president is in jail. The White House and Pentagon are inside big new walls, guarded by Russian soldiers who live there with Russian workers and diplomats.
Imagine the bombs that stopped the evil president also killed our electricity and plumbing. Only no one fixes them. Somehow every American who used to be a policeman, soldier, builder, plumber, electrician, or engineer has no job and no money now. Putin is paying his vice president's companies lots of money to do those jobs -- can you count to a Billion? -- but the money disappears and the jobs don't get done. Everyone's hot and thirsty and everything smells like doody and something died. Everyone gets cranky.
The Russians who aren't stealing really want to help but don't speak any English except "my nigga". Did you ever see commercials for Borat? These Russians are kind of like Borat, only they speak much less English, carry automatic weapons, and are really nervous. The Russian soldiers don't know why they're still there, and they worry that most Americans might want to kill them. And eventually, they're right!
Imagine America does get a new president. He was born in the USA but has been living in another country nearby for 25 years -- say, Mexico or Cuba. That's called an Exile. Our new ex-exile president gets along great with Mr. Putin. He lives in Putin's Pentagon, behind the walls where it's safe and there's clean water and air conditioning.
Across the rest of America, we have made-up police forces called Militias, but also gangs and gangsters instead of police. The Russians left 3/4 million pounds of weapons unguarded, so every criminal has more guns and explosives than they ever dreamed - the "greatest explosives bonanza in history".
Imagine the Russians say the weapons problem is really the work of Mexicans - so they might have to replace the Mexican president next.
Imagine the Russians never make any plans to leave. They say we're not ready. They say first the Americans should stop the gangs, and first we should make a deal for them to get our oil.
The bad president and his family were killed years ago. Now we have to figure out how to get rid of the Russians.
Fast Forward Five Years
Most Americans approve of shooting and blowing up Russians. We know America should be run by Americans. We know American plumbers and electricians and engineers should have jobs. We are proud patriots. We have a right to bear arms and defend ourselves.
Imagine some brave Americans in Militias figure out how to blow up Russians' tanks with bombs under the road, and how to shoot missiles into the Russians' Pentagon. When a tank blows up, other Americans nearby try not to smile, but the Russians know and get mad. Sometimes they kill everyone on that street, even the children. No Russian is ever arrested or goes to jail.
The worried Russians bomb and break into houses, beat up innocent Americans, yell at them in Russian, and kill them or throw them in jail. They torture Americans in prison and take pictures. Once people see the horrible pictures, Russians keep kidnapping Americans, but prison cameras are forbidden.
Amid all the crime, our wrecked country, and our diverse racial and religious minorities, we're united on one thing -- we blame the people who "rescued" us and we want them to leave now.
The Russians are afraid of gangsters, gangs, snipers and bombs, and wish there were enough police to help stop them. But they don't trust Americans and want to make sure we don't have good weapons. They say they're training us to fight and kill unruly Americans. Americans desperate for a job sign up for training, and pray that other loyal Americans won't see us, hate us, and kill us as traitors.
When we're ever actually asked to kill patriotic Americans, many of us put down our weapons, hand over the keys to our vehicles, and pray for peace, to "stop [American] blood from being shed".
The Russians who see this are certain we must be lazy, cowardly, disloyal, untrustworthy, foolish deserters -- and very hard to train! To them, it proves the Russians obviously will have to stay longer to train us better. If they leave now, all the violent gangs, militias, bitter blacks, flag flying Confederate skinheads, Catholic mobsters, and millions of illegal immigrants will obviously destroy each other and what's left of the country. It's now Russia's duty to stay, no matter what Americans think.
Pop Quiz!
So kids -- now that we Americans know how Iraqis feel -- it's quiz time!
Golden Rule Questions:
Q1) How many years of training would it take before your dad would kill your neighbors to prove your family's loyalty to the Russians and their Exile?
5 years? 10? 100? Forever?
Give your best answer. That's how long Americans will try to stay in Iraq.
Q2) If the Russians said they were disappointed by how poorly trained Americans are, and they need to stay here longer, would that make your family:
- cooperate and obey them more
- decide to help blow them up more
- join their army "training" program to fool them, earn money, and get weapons
Q3) If the Russians left as quick as they could, which would your family and neighbors do?:
- join gangs and maybe strike it rich as gangsters
- finally get to kill all the people we hate
- miss the Russians and hope they can come back soon
- join with our neighbors to drive out gangs and create a working police force and safe neighborhood
- celebrate and begin to rebuild our country
Check all answers that apply.
And don't worry kids - if your parents think the Golden Rule is a joke, maybe you can end the Iraq war when you grow up!