We have know for about a year that my neighbor is dying.
He is a veteran of the Vietnam War, a proud man, pissed off as hell about the current war and this administration. Two years ago he retired from decades of volunteering with other vets when the stories from Afghanistan and Iraq triggered his PTSD. This left time to drink more and at 64 he looks to be about 80 years old.
His liver is failing, end stage cirhosis of the liver. He wants a death at home, with dignity. So why is that so hard to manage?
His family is estranged, and frankly the baggage of an alcoholic family does call for boundaries. What does death call for? Only the family can decide for themselves.
A loose knit group of neighbors has been checking on him. He has refused to go to the hospital except for once when he was in a coma for 7 days. He lives alone.
Last week he lost control of his bowels, unable to feel anything below his waist and too weak to clean himself. It took hours to negotiate a medical power of attorney through a relative from out of state, but we sent him to the ER to get cleaned up and monitored until hospice could intervene. He has been slipping in and out of knowing who we are.
Five hours later the ER sent him home on the bus. He was still wearing the feces covered clothes he left in. If we had not happened to see him on the street, he could not have climbed the stairs to his apartment. It was complete chance I was there and had the key to his place.
The ER doctor and I had an interesting conversation where he claimed not to know his patient was there against his will. His diagnosis was "alcoholism" (DUH!) and since the patient did not want to detox, there was "nothing medically he could do". He did not examine the patient for open wounds or infection. Since he knew his name and the year he was considered "fit" and "if he wanted to go home and sit in his own feces there was nothing to be done about it". I'll bet his mama's proud.
The VA has not yet sent the necessary papers to hospice so they can begin to assess his needs. A rather unreliable friend of his is doing her best to keep him clean and fed and comfortable, but she is not prepared for this responsibility. The family is due to show up today, but it has not happened yet.
I just found out there is another family in the neighborhood and the sole adult is dying of cancer. He's been hanging on by a thread for years. The hospital sent him home to die.
So I ask, why are end times so hard? Why is our health care system so broken? And what the hell are we going to so about it?