Yesterday, I had an awakening. I added up the facts, and was hit in the face with a harsh reality. I am an elitist. It was difficult at first, but now I've learned to carry on and love my newly discovered elitist self.
There are times in your life when you realize that you have become something that you never thought you would. You know you're finally a "grown up" the first time you're interviewing for a job and you utter the words "oh, cool. 401k!"
For me, I had one of those awakenings yesterday morning.
It was all right there in front of me, but I'd chosen to ignore the scorecard.
Latte-drinking - CHECK
Volvo-driving - CHECK
Sushi-eating - CHECK
Oh, my Flying Spaghetti Monster, I am an elitist!
I'm not sure how I could have let this happen. I came from a blue collar, lower class, working family. My grandfather was a Teamster for 50 years, for chrissake! I remember when he got all teary-eyed at my college graduation. I thought he was just happy. NO! He was heartbroken! Heartbroken that I had to be all hoity toity and get one of them educations.
I could never do enough to make it up to him, so I won't even try. The only thing to do now is to accept my position in life as a card-carrying member of the liberal elite! (Whoever is responsible for issuing the cards, let me know, I'd like to provide my own photo, please and thank you. I'm not saying that I'm better than you. It's just that I know my good side.)
To all of those people who would point fingers at my elitism and laugh, I must say, you have pigeonholed me well. I'm not saying I'm better than you, it's just that, well, I look much less like a Muppet than you do. A right-wing Muppet of the people! I'm not saying I'm better than you, but I can recognize the ol' "write in incoherently dignified language in order to confuse them, and they'll think you're right" trick, as you so eloquently played here:
Indeed, for connoisseurs of political savvy, perhaps the most disturbing thing about Obama’s mini-diatribe was the contrast it revealed between the oleaginous, feel-your-pain evangelism of hope he has on an infinite playback loop and the disabused arrogance that crackles just beneath the burnished, campaign-trail mask.
Well played, old chap. mwa mwa mwa mwa
NOW I'm STARTING TO LAUGH LIKE AN ELITIST, TOO!
And finally, to Senators Clinton and McCain: I'm not saying I'm better than you, but it certainly makes planning for my son's college education a lot more of an Extreme Sport when I'm still struggling to pay for my own education. Sure, it must be nice having hundreds of millions of dollars, as you both do!
But who needs millions when I'm better than you? There. Look what you've done. You've made me say it. Elitism... taking.... OVERRRRRRRRR!