A lot of Kossacks will have occasion - for a rally, an academic degree, a conference or visiting friends - to visit Washington, DC. I certainly hope that if you visit, you have a good time and that you use Metro whenever possible to get around. The system, while not perfect, is excellent. However, not everyone who uses Metro thinks it through, knows its peculiarities or limits or, frankly, ever thought to give a damn about it. Commuters who need their paycheck think about it a LOT.
This is designed to help you a) get where you are going quickly and b) not foul up the commutes of people who work insane hours to feed their children, often commuting by three or more vehicles each way.
My commute is 50 miles and my work day is 10 hours on the clock; that's 14.5 hours daily. In my house of four, I am the sole paycheck. If it appears that I have a nasty attitude about people who disrespect the system or wreck its efficiency with their misuse of the service, it's because two disabled children await me at the end of the day, and if you don't jam my tightly-scheduled commute or my job clock, I can both earn all of my pay and kiss my kids goodnight. I am not unusual; the Metro has 250,000 "me's" on it daily.
Have a safe trip.
The following is a brief, blunt-language guide for the casual, short-term or tourist user of the Washington Metro.
- If you are a tourist or a casual user, realize that the system is now in an overcapacity status and your efforts not to screw it up further through inept use are greatly appreciated. There is a reason in particular that the rush hour fares are higher than the non-rush hour fares; this is essentially a market response to market realities to drive away the part-timers into less strained hours of the day, after breakfast, etc. Market realities should inform your decision to stay off the system to save money as a tourist. Of course, you may choose to pay a premium to stand extra close, cheek-to-cheek, to some absolutely gorgeous commuter like myself. But if you board a Metro train in rush hour, you will be paying local (premium) rates and you will be judged as a local for every misstep you make. People are more forgiving at 1:30 PM.
- The cars on the Metro are not ideally designed for rapid boarding and alighting. Mediocre engineering happens. That means that you should do what you are told repeatedly over the loudspeaker to: MOVE YOURSELF AWAY from the doors. Obey, do not resist the loudspeaker's authority. When you are a pedestrian, you do not linger in the crosswalk; you get where you are going promptly and avoid blocking pedestrian and vehicle traffic. When you ride the Metro, you should stand no closer than 6 feet from an open door and when it opens, proceed. Let traffic OUT before letting traffic INTO the car; basic common sense.
I have seen the breathtaking arrogance of locals who will walk inside the door, park ass at the opening and not let others on. These people should be arrested; it's worse than riding the Metro naked and they arrest people for indecent exposure. Tourists probably don't deserve an arrest but a tongue lashing.
- When you disembark, move promptly at least 10 feet from the doors of the train on the platform, ideally 50 feet so that commuters hauling ass don't knock yours onto Metro's hexagonal floor tiles. You should be aware of your stop so that you may disembark immediately, not after half of Metro Center is trying to board the train through your door against your "stream." Ideally, there would be one "exit only door" and one "entrance only door" on each train like on the buses but that's not what's available. Again, common sense.
- Knowing which side of the train will open doors at a station is helpful. Most, not all, of the above-ground stations exit on the left; the platform is between the trains. At Metro Center and Gallery Place, the Red Line exits on the RIGHT while at many other transfer stations, the trains exit on the left. If you know on which side the doors open, you may more easily avoid being a door-blocking asshole by accident. This is not a major issue but it does help. It's quite OK to ask another passenger politely which way the doors will open next.
- If you hear the door chime, you have a duty not to attempt a boarding or alighting unless you are ALREADY at the door. Your failure to observe this rule will get your handbag, computer case, 7 bags from the airport that a sensible person doesn't really need, etc., caught in the doors. Then comes the "door dance" where people try to time perfectly their removal of their excess baggage or sleeve from the jaws of Italian-engineered door-closers on the Metro cars. Usually, door-dancers have shitty rhythm, and their conduct deserves to be insulted for rank selfishness and laziness. This is slightly forgiveable in non-peak hours with lower traffic and wider headways but during rush hour with trains coming on a 5 minute stroke, often on a 1-2 minute stroke, this is unforgiveable. I have chewed out strangers for engaging in this sort of foolishness and felt entirely justified in doing so.
- Escalators. Continental North America drives on the right. A corollary to this is that FAST traffic is on the left lane of a multi-lane boulevard. A pair of escalators going up and town constitutes a multilane boulevard which means that you should STAND TO THE RIGHT, WALK RAPIDLY ON THE LEFT. If you are standing, you probably don't have somewhere to go which means if you are blocking the left side of the escalator, you are with depraved indifference blocking someone who has somewhere to go, some clock to punch. Move to the right, lean to the right and get out of a working woman's way, Mac. (Exceptions obviously for disabled citizens, pregnant passengers and passengers handling small children - I am talking about young, healthy lone wolf idiots here.)
6a. re: Escalators: Speak it, DHinMI!
DON'T STOP When You Get Off the Escalator!!!!!
Dumbest damn thing anyone does. NOWHERE does it makes sense to get to the end of the escalator, take one step, and then stand there; people are coming behind you, and if you don't move out of the way, they're going to pile on top of each other. To do it in Metro Center at 7:50 AM is grounds to be [punished with extreme prejudice].
- Seats on the Metro. It is actually a good deed to take an empty seat on a crowded train, because that actually clears your rear end out of the overcrowded aisle. However, no gentleman sits while a woman, particularly a woman with children or expecting mother, stands. If you sit while a pregnant woman stands, you are not pregnant and you CAN stand, you are an asshole. Ditto for senior citizens and those disabled citizens who may be more vulnerable to falling down on a swerving train due to equipment impediments. When taking a seat, consider asking your seatmate whether she will be getting out close or far; if close, give her the aisle seat if she wishes.
Absolutely keep your gear off the seats unless the car is mostly empty; your bag from Victoria's Secret or the Apple Store did not buy a Metro fare and the mother of three standing while you and your bag sit DID buy a fare. If your is on a seat, either you or your gear is a fare-jumper and deserves arrest.
- Fares. Buy your ticket with enough money left over to get you off the train. Your reckless bunking up the line because you need Addfare and don't know it is a disgrace and a waste. The charts may seem hard but they are not hard; anyone who can order a Super Size #7 at McDonalds can handle them. Please see prior comments about riding during rush hour. Don't worry about paying "too much"; your hosts or friends here will take near-dead Metro farecards gladly. If you will be here more than a week, consider getting a SmartCard; it's 5 extra bucks but worth it. When in doubt, no ride on the system costs more than 5 bucks and you will waste more money than that on overpriced coffee in a week anyway.
- DO NOT SMOKE here on our trains. We don't care that you and your sisters smoke in your city's cathedral back home. It is illegal and the people around you will cheer the aggressive Metro cops who will arrest a 12 year-old for eating a Twinkie out of her lunch bag from Mom. Arresting you will be a righteous deed credited in the next life, a career-booster and a crowd-pleaser. Don't smoke where working commuters and children breathe en route to their paycheck or their school.
- If you ask a Washingtonian, "Hi, I am a tourist and I want to do things right ...." we will LOVE you and probably go further to help you than you would ever guess. Washington insiders are hated with good reason but most of us here are not Washington insiders. We are people trying to get paid and take care of our families, same as in Birmingham and Des Moines. We have very good public transit in this city but it's only excellent when the passengers cooperate successfully with the realities of the system's imperfections. This reality is in contrast with the John Wayne, one-man band mythology which may have informed the cultural development of your part of the country. This is not cowboy country; we try to help each other cope within the rules.
- If you are visiting from New York City, welcome. You are not part of the problem at all. We are jealous of your cheap transit fares (just 2 bucks from Coney Island to the Bronx??), and yes, we do stand far apart from each other on the Metro trains. Then again, the standard "Metro cleanser" chemicals one almost always smells in the Metro stations don't smell like Big Apple fermented urine. Ah-h-h, nostalgia for younger days....
- Finally, as an alternative to the rail and to let you know I'm not just a cold, clock-punching grouch, consider that many of the city's most interesting, unusual places are not accessible by rail but by bus (presumably with a cheap rail transfer in many cases.)
Adams Morgan is accessible by the famous "forty-deuce" 42 bus from Dupont Circle or Farragut Square; great Ethiopian, Jamaican, Thai food, etc. there (and you can also get a steak or a burger too.)
Georgetown is famous and is infamous for having no Metrorail stops. (Local legend that Georgetown resisted the Metro out of classist sentiments is mostly urban myth; it was engineering, not stuck-up noses, that mainly decided the matter.) Multiple buses go to Georgetown including the frequent $1.00 East-West Circulator bus that runs from Union Station, and K Street.
While there is an Anacostia station on the other side of the Anacostia River, there are a few historic sites a bus ride away from the station including the Smithsonian Anacostia Museum with exhibits of African-American history and culture, and the Frederick Douglass National Historic Site at Cedar Hill where Douglass once lived. Most Washingtonians will tell you not to go to Anacostia; I wouldn't go there after dark alone but during the day it's fine. I don't know the Anacostia buses by heart but they are cheaper than regular Metro fares. Again, a market inducement to go check it out.
If you want to see some true architectural, religious and historic sites, board the frequent S2/S4 series up and down 16th Street. An amazing series of houses of worship line this most famous street going from Silver Spring, Maryland on the DC line down to the White House. 16th Street may be more gridlocked on Sunday morning than on many Monday mornings, due to Christian worshippers of every conceivable church/denomination. Several major synagogues, two Unitarian churches, at least one Buddhist temple and analogous institutions such as a Masonic Hall and the DC Jewish Community Center line the street as well. The architectural and cultural diversity in this compact stretch of road is impressive.
All of the buses that I have mentioned cost $1.25 or less, with mostly free transfers within DC.
Thank you for riding Metro!