The last several weeks, as I've watched this 21st century public lynching that we laughingly call an "election" play out, I've realized that I was dead wrong in February of 2007.
Foolishly, at that time, when Senator Obama launched his "improbable quest," I'd thought that America really was a place where all things were possible. I really did think that we were ready to move past the cesspool of garish bigotry that has defined this country since the first slave ship landed on these shores.
At the beginning of this process, I was a committed Democrat, and a proud American. Today, the Democratic Party means absolutely nothing to me. My naive belief that Democrats were the party of equality and unity has been destroyed by the divisive tactics and strategy of the Clinton campaign. My child-like affinity for so-called Democratic policies because of an equally child-like image of "good" Democrats "fighting" for the civil rights of all people has been scorched by a dismissive statement about Jesse Jackson and South Carolina. My pathetic belief that Democrats had any understanding of anyone whose skin wasn't the same color as their own was critically wounded by Geraldine Ferraro's assertion of Barack Obama's "lucky" blackness.
Now, do not mistake me, I do not believe that every Democrat is infected with the disease that foments in the Clinton camp. There are obviously those here, and throughout the blogosphere, and throughout this country, who are free of that insidious poison. But the "leadership" of the Democratic Party has been all too quiet, they have been all too passive while the name and reputation of a good man is dragged through the mud, the muck, and everything in between.
At the beginning of this process, I was a proud American. But look what we have done: An election which should bring out the best in a land of so many good people--the first chance for a female or African American head of state--has brought out the worst in us. After two hundred long, laborious, painful and promising years, we have come so close to a dream written into the very heart of the Republic--that we are all created equal--and what has it it gotten us!? Wright-gate, and bitter-gate, and not-black-enough-gate, and too-black-gate, and flag-pin-gate, and Ayers-gate.
This planet is on the brink. Our military is overstretched. Our economy teeters on the edge of a nightmare. All this, and the petulant press questions "leaders" on flag pins and loose associations?
At the beginning of this process, I was a proud American. Today, my pride is (probably permanently) diminished. I was woefully mistaken--mistaken in my belief that we had hurdled too many obstacles, waged too many struggles, slain too many dragons to turn back. Unfortunately, I was wrong.
Bare with me, being knocked on one's ass is not an easy experience. The only solace left for me lies in the simple fact that we learn one great lesson every time we tumble: how not to fall for the same thing again.
I am mournful--mournful because I was once a Romantic, and I believed that even the darkest of bleak nights ends in a brilliant and redemptive dawn. Today, I find myself trapped in the darkness awaiting a dawn long overdue.