This very flattering picture of Dick Cheney was taken today, during a commencement speech for new Coast Guard graduates in Connecticut. Judging from the content of his speech, the hat was not only a Texas-style head accessory, but also a vestiary middle finger to the world. It put an exclamation point on the now-clear fact that Bush and Cheney intend to swagger past their final days in office with every bit as much empty-headed bluster as the first time they recklessly aimed their silver-plated six-shooters at the country and the global community. Associated Press:
Cheney, sporting a 10-gallon hat, said the troop surge in Iraq "has succeeded brilliantly."
"The war on terror is a lengthy enterprise, but it does not have to go on forever," he told more than 200 graduating cadets during the 127th commencement at the U.S. Coast Guard Academy.
"The only way to lose this fight is to quit. That would be irresponsible," Cheney said. "More than that, quitting would be an act of betrayal and dishonor. And it's not going to happen on our watch."
And there you have it.
By now, I'm sure I'm not the only one who greets the utterly predictable cliché, stubbornness, and dismissiveness of Bush and Cheney's public appearances with the numb, dead-eyed stare of a person waiting in line at McDonald's. We're trapped in the hellish, deep-aquatic twilight of the last days of the most horrifically run government in living memory, repeatedly checking our watches as the current tenants of our democracy trash as much of the place as they can before the lease runs out and the party is over.
So none of us, I'm sure, is all that shocked when the Vice President pops out of his bunker like Punxsutawney Phil the groundhog, inevitably finds his shadow, and declares we need another several months of bleak political and intellectual winter. But I just want to take a moment to stand back and take full measure of the impressively resilient, disastrous arrogance commonly known as "the Bush Administration."
To Cheney, not only has the surge "succeeded brilliantly," but the "only way to lose this fight is to quit." Let's hear that again: the "only" way we "lose" in Iraq is if we withdraw. So, according to gunslingin' Cheney the Kid, we can't "lose" by staying for another ten or a hundred years, at a further cost of untold lives and billions of dollars.
We can't "lose" by further inflaming the region while we wittle away the resources we need to meet other threats. We can't "lose" by having no remaining capacity to deal with the other urgent needs gnawing on the legs of our country, or by squandering what is left of our international credibility on pig-headed obstinance. No - the only actual standard for "victory" for this administration, behind the half-hearted lip service to Iraqi democracy and (paradoxically) freedom from Iranian influence, is simply for us to continue the war and stay stuck there. Indefinitely. At literally any cost.
In rhetoric and logic, this fallacy is known as "begging the question" - circular argumentation that has only itself as a justification for itself. What we have, and will continue to have until the very last day of Bush's mercifully final term, is a government that has elevated begging the question to a core governing philosophy. Winning equals staying in Iraq until we win. Pardon? We will have a good economy as soon as we no longer have a bad economy. What? The solution to the debt and other economic problems caused by excessive tax cuts is to make the tax cuts permanent, so that they eventually cure the problems they've created. Huh? To have freedom, you must be alive, and to keep you alive, we have to restrict your freedom. Excuse me? We must defer to the Commander-in-Chief, because we are at war, which the Commander-in-Chief was able to start because we deferred to him. Eh?
An endless Möbius strip death-vortex of randomly selected dogmas would make a better president. Indeed, a giant, empty ten-gallon hat has enshrouded the White House for so many years, the lawn and shrubbery around it have long since wilted from the permanent intellectual night. All one can now see when gazing out an Oval Office window is the dark interior of the hat, where one can spend all day admiring the brand and materials from which the hat is made, and insist that, why, everyone should have a hat like this! No doubt, when Barack Obama finally moves into the West Wing, the staff will have to leave the windows open with fans running for weeks on end to rid the space of the rank stench of stifled scalp.
Yes, the proverbial ten-gallon hat can be witnessed just about everywhere Bush and Cheney go. Why, even at the vice president's speech today, some onlookers proudly demonstrated their own profound hatness:
Jim Bancroft of Bristol lead the "Gathering Eagles," a veterans group that supports the war and the graduating cadets.
"Just because Dick Cheney is the speaker does not mean you come and disrupt the graduation because of your political views," Bancroft shouted to the anti-war protesters.
The time has come for a new White House policy: all presidents and vice presidents must leave their hats at the door.