Okay, I admit it. I'm a New York Times reader. I got hooked on the paper after they offered me a free 8-week daily subscription in the weeks leading up to the 2000 election. Suddenly, the paper started appearing on my doorstep every day and I'd crack it open and say to myself, "Wow! So this is what a newpaper is supposed to be like!". Up until then, my only daily paper was the Chicago Tribune which, yes, has it's merits (Doonesbury!) but is a pale comparison to the Grey Lady. (Plus the Trib is run by some pretty odious right-wing hacks. But I digress.)
I have long steered clear of the Wall Street Journal for many, many reasons, the chief among them being their Op-Ed page writers. If you remember, it was these guys who hounded Vince Foster into committing suicide during the Clinton administration. So I've given the WSJ a wide berth for years.
Today, I found myself with a little time to kill and what should appear at my elbow but a copy of the Wall Street Journal. Simply out of curiousity, the way you might tip over a rock to see the crawly things beneath, I flipped to the Op-Ed page to see what it was that I've been avoiding all these years.
I have to say, what I saw really surprised me. I thought I knew what to expect, but nothing could have prepared me for the actual contents. It just goes to show you: Never judge a book by it's cover and do NOT pre-judge something. The only way to properly form an opinion is to examine something carefully and then weigh in.
So here's my new take on the editors and contributors to the Wall Street Journal:
You're all a bunch of douchebags.
Let me be clear: I thought it would be bad. It wasn't. It was horrifying. How horrifying? Let me count the ways:
The lead editorial was about Exxon's attempt to wean itself off oil and explore new, perhaps renewable, forms of energy. Not a bad plan, given the oil drying up and prices through the roof. Probably be good for the planet, too. The Journal's reaction was to pooh-pooh such naive business practices and pointed up shareholder discontent. The money quote: "Exxon will do more for its shareholders, and for society, if it avoids political fads and keeps its focus on investments that promise the highest return on shareholder capital."
Translation: "Fuck you, earth! We're here to make money!"
Douche. Bags.
Next?
They decide to kick up a fuss because the Senate Environment Committee decided to nix the nomination of a guy named David Hill as General Counsel for the EPA. They whine that Mr. Hill should have "zipped through the Senate" but those mean, nasty Democrats beat him down for political reasons. By the way, Mr. Hill's current job is General Counsel for the White House's Department of Energy. So, hey, no conflict there.
So you know what I did? I went and looked at Mr. Hill's opening statement to the Committee and actually read it. It contains the usual b.s. about what an honor it would be to serve, blah, blah blah, but what really jumps out at you is this: His refrain is "within the law." He will do whatever is "legally permissible." And I couldn't help but think..."Well, DUH. You're the General Counsel! That's the least we should expect from you! Stop saying 'I will obey the law' like it's a new idea you came up with."
The Senate, tired of political hires in these kinds of sensitive posts, kicked him the the curb. So the WSJ whines.
Next: Well....I kinda, sorta agree with them on this one. They're bitching about the new farm bill, which is a train wreck. Even the Times agrees with them on that one so...I'll let this piece slide.
Now to the contributors. Let me keep this short and sweet: Two complete D.B.'s (you know what I mean) named William M. Issac and Bjorn Lomborg have their say on two topics- the mortgage crisis and global warning. Short versions: Mr. Isaac- "What mortgage crises?" Mr. Lomborg (this is a quote): "Global warming shouldn't be at the top of anyone's priority list."
Appalling. Sickening. Yet published in a major metropolitan daily.
Yeah, I was totally wrong about the Wall Street Journal all right. They aren't bad.
They're the fucking devil.