First, I'd like to apologize in advance for writing such a personal Diary. It's not in my nature to bring myself or my problems into the public eye and I do not do so to grab for pity or help. In fact, I'd prefer it if these things were not offered. Unlike many of my fellow Americans in similar situations, I will be able to find a way out of this. My purpose here is to attempt to bring to light exactly why I don't just want Barack Obama to become President, but that I need him to be.
I work a Customer Service/Website Administrator job for a small company. I originally took this job to pay bills while I went to University so that I could move out and take care of myself to alleviate the burden from my parents. Over the years, however, it has grown increasingly demanding, to the point where I was unable to even take classes this past year. They made lofty promises that in my heart I knew they would not keep, though youthful hope let me believe. Still, I was not surprised when they were broken. But it pays well (hourly) and I am dependent on the income, so I obliged. What's one year anyway? I'm only 23, I figured I had some time to spare. Now I have been gearing up to get back into classes this coming Fall by purchasing my first car, having received a raise and some more assurances of good things to come.
Today, however, I was approached by my boss, a man I admire and respect quite a bit. He spoke to me about some small mistakes I'd made and then compounded with more small mistakes. He noted that I'd seemed burned out lately to which I explained that working the night shift all week and then the morning shift on the weekend with only one day off a week was causing me to repeatedly flip a switch in my sleep schedule that was not easily moved. He understood, "But," he said, "This does bring up the issue of what effect school will have. This job is very demanding, and I'm sure classes are too. I'm going to need at least 6 months notice if you plan to go back to school so that I can find someone else."
I understand his point of view, a business has to take care of itself. He can't let me fumble as I juggle a full (or even part) course load with a full (or even part) work schedule just because he likes me. Mistakes and oversights in this business can sometimes cost customers significant chunks of change. But I need this job in order to afford school and in order to afford my bills. Over the past year, even without school, just paying on student loans and other bills I was forced to move back in with my parents (themselves on hard times financially) to keep from finding myself in fiscal trouble. The choice I've been given is literally: bet your future on this job or be let go.
It would be nice if I were able to qualify for a government grant or a scholarship. Unfortunately, due to my poor academic showing while working 40+ hours a week and managing 12+ credit hours, all I qualify for is $5,000 a semester in student loans, which covers tuition and a few books. Not to mention, this loan is only available if I register full time.
In many ways, this is a hole I dug myself by believing that a company would follow through on their commitments to their employees and sacrificing my academic performance accordingly. However, at the time I believed I had no choice. This is how I put food in my belly, this is how I can afford to take care of my cats, and now this is how I find the $150 a month to keep gas in my car, and pay my student and car loans and car insurance(I have no health insurance).
Regardless of the choice I make regarding pursuing my education or sticking with this job, it's clear that there is no real future at this company. Eventually, they will find a reason to let me go or cap my income so that inflation slowly erodes my quality of life. And this, this is where Barack Obama comes in. His plan to offer $4000 to College Students in exchange for service in their community is exactly the type of program I need. If it were available now, I would already be registered for Fall classes and leafing through the wanted ads for a less demanding job albeit at significantly lower pay. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of reasons aside from that which make me want to open my morning e-news and see "President Obama..." in the headlines. But this is the reason why I need that.
John McCain doesn't care about people like me, coming from households with unemployed parents, without a legacy to skate through the Ivy League on. Why should he? I've got connections to no one in his Ancient Croney Circle. I can't entice him with free vacations to Paris. There's no bribe I can offer that will be more than an insignificant whisper in the bottomless coffers of his wealthy friends. I'm not even adorable enough to furnish him with a poll boosting photo op.
In stark contrast, Barack Obama doesn't care what I can offer him, he won't even know whether or not I went out in November to vote for him. Or check his long, long list of small donors to see if I'm on it (I am in a very, very small way). But he looks at me, at everyone like me struggling to get on that path to the American Dream which seems to force you to bleed green, and pay a toll at every step. He sees in us great potential. Not because we are wealthy or descended from great men and women. But because we are human beings, his fellow man. Because of that he turns to that seemingly insurmountable struggle and says "No." as he offers us a way out.
Many of the people I paraphrase his College Student grant program to laugh at it, calling it insignificant. In truth, the burgeoning costs of "higher education" seems to dwarf that $4000 in the eyes of most people my age. But to me, that is the difference between spending a few more years behind a desk before being tossed out with no leg to stand on and getting a degree that I can use to create a future for myself. I'll still have to hold down at least one job and work more hours a week than I'd like to make ends meet. Yet with that small, seemingly irrelevant provision I will be free to pursue the education and career that I want.
And that is why I am voting for Barack Obama.
Update: I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who offered support and advice. I appreciate all of it and will take it to heart as I weigh my options over the next few days. This really is a fantastic community and I have always been amazed by the tremendous selflessness and genuine compassion expressed here. Thanks again.