I believe--and it scares me.
I believe. I have never truly believed in a politician before in my life. I remember hearing some ying-yang on a sports-talk radio show talk about the people whose pictures he keeps in his wallet and how one of them is Ronald Reagan. I've always thought it absurd that anyone could truly have that much faith in ANY politician, given the track record of the profession as a whole. Forget what I and most of those reading this may thing of Ronny, putting the picture of a politician in your wallet must be the evidence of blind worship of someone who in all likelihood does not deserve it. "Politics is a good thing!" ranted a professor of mine, "but politicians are a necessary evil."
As a 17 year-old acne-ridden high schooler, I supported Bill Clinton over Bush-Take-One, but only after my numbers 1 and 2 dropped out (Bob Kerrey and Paul Tsongas respectively). Bill was inspirational, moving, thought-provoking, but he always had that little ick-factor about him. How could you really BELIEVE when you have Genny Flowers dancing around in your peripheral vision? And in 1998, guess what? He proved the ick-factor right. A "randy SOB," as my father so eloquently put it.
I never really believed in Al Gore. It was hard. I WANTED to. Badly. But he just came across as a statistic-spewing, factually-challenged, exaggeration-prone buffoon. Not that he wasn't a better option than the even-more-factually-challenged buffoon that the other side decided to run. Gore never really got it until his concession. And when Gore conceded, it was all I could do not to scream out loud, "Where the #&@* was this Al Gore when in really mattered?!?!"
I never really believed in John Kerry. Oh Lord, how I wanted to. I wanted someone to save me from the stain that the Bush administration had become. I wanted someone to ride in like the cavalry and vanquish the proverbial dragon, saving us all from certain doom. Kerry wasn't good enough, not good enough to defeat the most unpopular president since Tricky Dick himself. I was despondent, and was wretched for weeks. My girlfriend (now my wife) showed patience not seen upon this Earth by putting up with me.
I never believed in Hillary Clinton. I called myself a Hillary supporter at the end of 2006 when she declared because I figured I was hitching myself to the only real horse on the race. But I couldn't BELIEVE, not with the Clinton baggage. Not with the fact that so many people in this country (justifiably or unjustifiably) hate her.
After Iowa, I looked at Barack Obama and I believed. I finally got what my friends had been talking about. I remembered Obama's speech at the 2004 convention. I (like many of us) remembered saying out loud, "that man is going to be president someday," in a fit of awe after that speaking masterpiece, but I was surprised to find myself believing, really believing. He wasn't just smoke and mirrors. He said it right. He did it right. He was everything I had wanted to believe in, since I first got interested in politics. The faith buckled in the face of Jeremiah Wright and other potholes in the road, but it held.
I believe. I truly believe in Barack Obama, and it scares me. I wish I had the time to devote to his campaign, but being a medical resident and my first child due to be born in 3 weeks keeps me focused on home. Why should any of us really believe in politicians? Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. How many people believed, however misplaced their faith, in Bush Take Two? Aside from the truly deluded Kool-aid drinkers, how must those believers feel now, as he gradually assumes his place among the worst world leaders in history? There is no comparison between the two men, but the comparison between the believers is undeniable. Part of me doesn't want to believe, as even minor attempts at it so far have been so bitterly disappointing. But the rest of me wants to believe so badly it hurts. Politicians have been nothing but disappointments to me as long as I can remember, and having such belief in one, in the face of such possible disappointment (this election will be close, make no mistake) makes me wonder how much one can swallow. I believe. Not enough to put a picture in my wallet, but I believe. It scares the stink out of me, but it feels great.