The idea is quite simple - Ted Stevens and Sarah Palin have been very generous to the state of Alaska and to the whole United States, indeed they have been generous to a fault toward the whole world in giving us lovely jubbly republican scandals to enjoy :)
Nothing says 'happy day' like a headlines detailing 'conservative hypocrisy'
I have therefore drawn up the following survey in the aim of producing a quick reference guide for the media and the Republican Party to help them decide which of the many potential scandals should next see the light of day.
Please choose from the options given after the jump.
1. Where do you first wish to be informed about the scandal?
A) Through a foreign media source such as BBC or Le Monde
B) As breaking news on one of the major news networks
C) On Dailykos
D) On a very angry and righteous Keith Olbermann special report
E) A chain email which does the rounds and is then confirmed as true
2. Who should first reveal the story?
A) An investigative reporter
B) The local police department
C) An aide turned whistleblower
D) A close family member
E) A jilted lover
3. Which shadowy organisation should be implicated in the scandal?
A) Karl Rove and Dick Cheney’s Best Frieds Forever club
B) Ruper Murdoch's media empire
C) The Republican party
D) Rouge elements within the CIA
E) The Illuminati
4. An FBI search of the house should find incriminating evidence of political wrong doing and what other flagitious items?
A) A kinky sex dungeon
B) A large amount of cocaine and ecstasy
C) Avast collection of bestiality porn
D) Numerous photos of the republican wearing his wife’s panties
E) All of the above
5. How should the republican have become embroiled in the scandal in the first place?
A) Acquaintanceship with a foreign dictator
B) A honey trap set by the FBI
C) By being inherently dishonest and corruptible;
it was all the Republican's idea in the first place
D) Drawn in to a criminal underworld when seeking political donations
from the local organised crime gangs
E) Seduced by a lover with connections to a sordid criminal
underworld
6. Below the surface the republican’s life should turn out to be...
A) Perfectly ordinary; everyone has fetishes and dirty secrets. This
Republican's shame is just symptomatic or a wider breakdown of
values in modern society
B) Entangled in criminality
C) A veritable carnival of sordid vice
D) A miserable self pitying existence punctuated with bouts of
insatiable lust and addiction
E) B,C, D AND E
7.The ritual humiliation of the shamed republican should take the form of...
A) An awkward press conference with the Republicans put-upon wife
stood morosely behind him.
B) A live broadcast court appearance in which the Republican is made
to confess all in the hope of a lighter sentence
C) A long resignation speech in the senate or congress in which the
Republican acknowledges his shame and begs forgiveness
D) An appearance on The Daily show or The Colbert report in which the
Republican's hypocrisy is laid bare
E) An unflattering film of his sexual exploits being leaked to
YouTube
8. The bribe(s)which the republican has received should be in the form of ...
A) A stake in a major illegal arms/drug deal
B) An obscenely large amount of money concealed in an exotic tax
haven
C) A promise of a cushy lobbying job
D) A trifling sum- it doesn’t take much to bribe a republican
E) Hypocritical sexual favours (a congressman who votes against gay rights having homosexual fun times for example)
9.How should Fox news report the scandal?
A) By finding some way to blame the liberals
B) By pretending it didn’t happen
C) By finding some way to blame the democrats
D) Special report...is Obama a Muslim? Is he though? Think about it, he
might be....just saying it's a possibility...
E) Britney Spears