In a effort to keep his campaign from becoming irrelevant John McCain has attacked Barack Obama for his position on winning. "He’s touring Hawaii now," said McCain. "What’s that all about? After we return from our trip to the Northern Mariana Islands we’ll be outlining our policy of economics and winatude. "
"My friends, I have better expectations then the losiness of the Obama campaign. I’ll bring winatude and drillness to America. I’ll bring that McCain attitude to the dollar too. The Washington, the Lincoln, and the Franklin may be tired old men, but they’ll dollar around the world in my White House. Yes, my friends, we’ll bring dollared back to the economy. And soup, we’ll have soup too."
Continuing their effort for relevance the McCain campaign has announced it’s themes for the republican national convention next month. Spokesman Winfield Warren said they are in keeping with McCain’s new attitude. "He’s claiming the high ground," Warren declared. "It’s our turn now and we’ll give America something to sing about. Soaring hearts and minds will bring winatude back to America." He continued, "Our themes are service, reform, prosperity and peace. We’ll service America with comprehensive policies of drillness, vacation reform (you’ll see no erotic trips like to Hawaii from a McCain administration), prosperity for our donors and peace with winatude."
Warren closed by saying, "We’re retiring the bus. It sustained too much damage in that terrible attack last week. We’ll honor it with a car magnet or maybe a flag pin. The Senator hasn’t decided yet."