Hello. I'm Cookie Monster (D-Sesame) and I approve this message.
Are you tired of rising pie prices? Tired of cakes that are ridden with no frosting? I hear some cookies are even made out of Splenda now, instead of real, American Sugar? Me is. That's why Cookie Monster came to say that our Supermarket nominee, ButterNutter MmmmObama, must stick to what his packaging says. Me demand truth in advertising.
Already me form coalition with our party leaders, Majority Leader Elf and Keynote Speaker, Senator Doughboy
If we do not get yummy cookie satisfaction, then we will be forced to protest like our friends, the Animal Crackers (pictured below following their arrest after protesting the Republican-Rhubarb National Convention):
Sen. ButterNutter MmmmObama has promised America milk. If he do that, then surely America will eat him and other cookies. These are MY cookies. Mine Mine Mine Mine Mine.
The Monster-Elf-Doughboy Commission issues the following statement:
Dear Senator MmmmObama,
Although we like you, and think we want you to be selected at the grocery store checkout, we have some concerns. First, we cannot decide if you are on the top shelf of the aisle or bottom. Sure, you're not the typical cookie - kind of like Chips Ahoy or Keebler, but a little different. Still, you're oh so yummy and we think America would surely eat you - if they decide to avoid the old, crusty shortbread cookies their great-grandmother made. Still, you have drifted from us as America has put you in her shopping cart. Me say to you today:
- A full withdrawal from the Ready-to-Bake/Packaged conflict. There can be no good done by staying in a war that can never be one.
- Reform the packaging we come in. Too often we are broken before we even make it home. (Cookie Monster would like to add that, "Me like broken cookie, so me no care." The commission agrees to speak with one voice, however.)
- We demand new plates, not plates that have been used but washed thorough.
- We demand healthcare for all animal crackers and cookies that look like people in case their heads are bitten off.
- We demand not to be called bitter (who wants a bitter cookie).
- We want each of our brandnames called into nomination at the Supermarket Check-out line. We know that if you've already put Butterscotch into the cart, you won't mind hearing about how great we are just a little more (plus, you might actually purchase us impulsively!).
- We want full votes for Cheez-its and Saltines, even though we know they're technically not supposed to have a full vote.
- Even though Butterscotch has said he supports us and will stick by us, we demand that he never talk to the Chip Aisle, Ice Cream Aisle or dare to propose making an ice cream sandwich with cookies.
You are a tough cookie, Senator MmmmObama. Please stick up to those others so that we don't have to.
Signed,
Cookie Monster
Keebler Elves 1-72, 77-106 (73-76 are registered Republicans)
Sen. Pillsbury Doughboy
Thank you for reading. It now is lunch time. And for all of you, I have these three words:
Yes
Me
Can.
Yes
Me
Can.
/there's never been anything false about sweets.