Every day it seems that damning truths and evidence come out about Senator McCain, and yet the media doesn't focus on them. What we get are stories of heroism and valor. Dedication to "Country First". You know why? Because John McCain, the original Maverick, is a WAR HERO. Fellow Kossacks, don't let that fact, that Senator McCain is a WAR HERO, be lost on you. In fact, John McCain WAR HERO is such an inspiration, I've drafted an open letter to him. Follow me after the jump...
Dear John,
I'm assuming we're on a first name basis, what with us being such good "friends" and all. I think it's great that you're a WAR HERO. Some would argue that spending most of your military career imprisoned in a camp doesn't qualify you as having "foreign policy experience." Don't worry, those people are just forgetting that you're a WAR HERO.
And speaking of forgetting, it doesn't matter that you "forget" that Czechoslovakia hasn't existed for 15 years. Frankly, how can a WAR HERO be expected to remember such things? Other people may point to you mixing up the Sunnis and Shia as a sign that you aren't as qualified on foreign experience as you claim. Worry not, I know that you're a WAR HERO, and these things just happen. Sure you may make the same mistakes repeatedly, but you're a WAR HERO...so I'll forgive you.
I know some women take issue with the fact that your hardline Pro-Life stance takes away their right to choose. These same women even complain that you're a bit misogynistic. "Oh he called his wife a c***!" or "well he opposed the Ledbetter fair pay act". Those women are crazy John, don't listen to them! You were absolutely right when you said women just need more education and training. I know that you're right on this issue because you're the original Maverick, a true American WAR HERO.
With all this negativity swirling around you John, it's nice that you can keep your sense of humor. Joking about bombing those crazy Islamo-fascist Sunnis (or are they Shia....who cares!) really made me grin. So did your most recent joke about rich people making $5M or more. Only a real WAR HERO MAVERICK would tell such a joke and not have it portrayed negatively in the mainstream media.
And you know what makes you a great man Mr. McCain? You lead by example. Sure, you don't vote often...or at all... and sure you voted the least of any other Senator, including that damn librul guy with the brain hemorrhage. I mean, you only represent a few million people in Arizona, and who cares about them? And those stupid tree-huggers and global warming liars complain that you no-showed every important environmental vote last year. Well, screw them! Frankly, I think the warming poles are a good thing. In fact, I think you should incorporate this into your platform. I'm no WAR HERO, but I'm savvy enough to realize that there is probably lots of oil in the North Pole. Since we will be drilling now, drilling often, it wouldn't be too much to try to push those commie Russians away and claim the North Pole as MAVERICK COUNTRY.
Now John, I know most heroes traditionally don't like to flaunt their heroic experiences. But I say, use them for political gain. Even if they are half-true...or completely fabricated! The best part is, John, you could make up all sorts of crap and the media would HAVE to believe you. Who is going to question YOUR patriotism, YOUR commitment to the American people? You're a WAR HERO.
Some people want a president who is "smart". Well, you were a poor student Mr. McCain...very poor actually. But, being a WAR HERO makes up for that! Think of it as a bunch of extra-curricular activities! No one will ever question your intelligence or mental acumen. After all, you survived a torturous ordeal! So torturous in fact, that you can get away with what some may consider racial slurs towards Asians. Hey, thats ok! Nobody who would take offense to that slur was in 'Nam, so they don't know what it was really like. I mean you're a WAR HERO. 35 years of political correctness be damned!
Lastly Mr. McCain...oops I forgot we were friends...you should remind me more often! Lastly, John, on the matter of faith. I must confess I am not a faithful person. However, I think it's great that you are. So faithful in fact, you were able to procure a homefield advantage of sorts at that Church event this past weekend. That was CLEVER stuff John, if you had been that clever in the Navy...perhaps you wouldn't have crashed all those planes. No matter! You're a WAR HERO. And at the end of the day, that's all that matters.
You know, Im glad I got that off my chest John. Sometimes I forget that you're a WAR HERO. The likes of which we have never seen. Lots of brave men and women go to war, serve their country, even die. They're heroes sure, but not like you John. You're the ULTIMATE WAR HERO. On the internet which you don't understand, you'd be a LVL 99 WAR HERO (thats a good thing!). You're the kind of guy who can plagiarize, lie, associate with lobbyists and think that we're just in a mental recession. Some of those aforementioned librul loonies may see that as a BAD thing. But, personally John, I'm glad you're a WAR HERO. How else would I be able to trust your judgment?
One final thought my WAR HERO friend, you are a WAR HERO, and to me, that's the next best thing to being a GUY I'D LIKE TO DRINK A BEER WITH. It shows you have the class, character and judgment to lead this country.
Your friend,
Barren