You know, Count Orlok.
Enough with this Hillary nonsense.
We all know what Obama's real problems are versus McCain:
Age.
Experience.
Sheer calculating evil, without the capacity for feeling mercy for man or beast.
Obama's choice is going to be Nosferatu. Trust me. You know it. I know it. Vegetable lasagna knows it (has that reference become "obscure" yet?).
So let's stop fucking around and plan for keeping the blood banks open 24/7 in Denver.
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McCain's got a lot on our guy. I wish it wasn't true. First of all, Obama's 13 years old, and McCain is old enough to be his great grandpa's long forgotten great uncle. Oh yeah?!?!?!? Count Orlok's like a billion trillion. Now that's age and experience. John McCain's only, like, a trillion. Tops.
This is what picking a vice president is all about. Gaining strengths you lack. Finding something your opponent has and finding a veep who's got it too.
McCain sure is a hot head, and Obama's one cool customer. Well, let's face facts. Nosferatu's a pretty cool customer too. So this hasn't been neutralized. I mean, Orlok's only been dead for about several centuries...if that doesn't cool your ass down, nothing will. But, just like McCain, he's pure, unstoppable evil, with no sense or reason. Just the pure, insatiable need to destroy. So it's kind of a draw.
John McCain seems pretty tough, because he's visited Iraq with war colored glasses a bunch of times, and he's a Vietnam hero. Well, what's tougher than all that? How about, oh, I dunno, sleeping in a goddamned coffin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And Noseferatu can summon an army of the undead, zombie slaves without morality or comprehension. Sure, McCain can too, but only cuz he's got Joltin' Joe Lieberman.
John McCain barely needs a bulldog VP. He tries to personally intimidate the press from heaping too much praise on Mr. Obama. Obama's a bit classier, I'd say. So he needs a vice president who might, from time to time consider, at least, drinking every drop of blood out of Brit Hume during a "Washington Grapevine" segment. Since Dick Cheney's already busy, Count Orlok could probably fit the bill...although it's a tough job drinking Hume's blood. Unless you actually like the taste of scotch, Aqua Velva and Ben Gay, mixed with BS.
Also, McCain is from the exotic state of Arizona. What's more exotic than Arizona? Oh, I don't know, how about the motherfucking Carpathian Mountains?!?!?!?!?!?
So I don't want to hear another thing about Hillary, comment-stuffed diaries.
Or about Cthulhu either. America's not ready for an octupus-faced giant that lives under the sea. Maybe in '12, I'll keep my face-tentacles crossed.
(My apologies to the estate of Bram Stoker, his heirs and assigns, and probably H.P. Lovecraft too.)