Some Friendly and hopefully humorous advice to Barack Obama about exploiting McCain's mistakes
Barack baby, I luv ya. But you’re blowing it man! The way you’ve been handling your public appearances lately, it looks like you took a crash course at the John Kerry School of Public Elocution. C’mon man, from one fellow college debater to another, you’re severely lacking in message discipline, if George Bush can remember a few pithy lines so can you – think of that as a challenge.
John McCain has given you a series of gaffes that you have not only failed to exploit, you’ve been showing yourself to be inept at taking advantage of them. If your opponent has been kind enough to shove his foot in his mouth it’s your job to tie his shoelaces around his tongue so that his foot stays in there as long as possible. Bush and Rove were so effective at this in 2004, that when I saw John Kerry speaking last week, I swear I saw that there was still shoe polish on his teeth.
This is how you handled it:
"This puzzled me. I was confused as to what he meant. Then there was another interview, where somebody asked John McCain, ‘How many houses do you have?’ He said, ‘I’m not sure I’ll have to check with my staff.’ True quote! ‘I’m not sure, I’ll have to check with my staff.’ So they asked his staff and he said, ‘at least four.’ ‘At least four.’
To be polite, you were barely cogent. Self-reference is a poor persuasive technique. Let the news do the news, you don't have to tell folks what happened, it's your job to tell them what it means, and when your opponent is standing there with his pants falling down, don't be indignant, if you can, squirt some seltzer at him!
So, below some suggested remarks that tie in just some of the gaffes that McCain and his campaign have made.
Even after he has switched from every position that used to mark him as a maverick, John McCain still likes to pretend that he is one. But let me tell you something, any man who has so many houses that he can’t even keep track of them is not a maverick he’s a Republican, an old-timey republican, a Rockefeller Republican, as in John D. Rockefeller, a man worth billions in today’s dollars but never tipped anyone more than a dime, a man who used union members for target practice.
One of the phony things that John has done is to use the weasel words that Phil Gramm is "no longer advising his campaign." But Phil Gramm keeps showing up where McCain is for some purpose. And if you liked the job that Dick Cheney and Karl Rove did as presidential "advisors" you’re going to love the heckuva job Phil Gramm will do on America if we let him anywhere near the Whitehouse. That's where he'll be if John McCain gets elected.
It’s clear that even if Phil Gramm is not advising the McCain Campaign, he still is advising John McCain personally. Why else would John McCain think that someone who makes 3 million dollars a year is mearly middle class? It’s advice from guy’s like Gramm that has McCain still saying that our economy is in acceptable shape. So what if people are losing their homes to foreclosure by the hundreds of thousands, and tens of millions more are seeing the equity they’ve built up over a decade evaporate? After all, won’t they still have their two or three other houses to enjoy? Or as Phil Gramm might advise, why don’t they stop whining and enjoy our wonderfully vibrant economy!
In closing, Barack bubbalah, darling, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER repeat the charges that your opponents make against you. As a matter of fact you should not be thinking in terms of defense, but instead of how to turn around the attacks and shoot them right back at that bunch of Bush wannabes.
And just for the hell of it - send the damn e-mail already, people are getting angry!