We're all decided. There's no suspense as to who the Democratic nominees for President and Vice President will be. Tonight proved we've got winners. Tonight proved WE ARE UNITED!!!!!!! Let's face it. We would have ALL been happy with whoever Obama chose. I've never thought much of Hillary Clinton, for instance. But after seeing her and Bill the last two nights at the DNC, I would have been thrilled had Obama chose her.
Gore? Dodd? Schweitzer? Richardson? Thrilled!
I'm thrilled he chose Biden!
For choices, Democrats had nothing but winners. I refuse to heap praise on Obama for his VP choice because it was easy. His dartboard was mostly bullseye. Piece of cake. Target-rich environment.
But the Republicans?
I've been racking my brain. Everyone I consider McCain might choose is a huge minus. Why? Because the GOP base is divided between Social Conservatives and Economic Conservatives. They're more divided, WAY more divided, than Democrats were between Obama and Clinton because the GOP divisions are real and have less to do with personalities and teams.
The Economic Conservatives want Romney. Why? The guy made billions by laying people off. By downsizing. Downsizing makes Economic Conservatives hard. Downsizing is Economic Conservative Viagra. We're talking about folks who only recognize inflation when it's wage inflation. Downsizing and layoffs give them orgasms and cause them to bid any stock that lays people off UP. IMMEDIATELY. Limbaugh wants Romney. Romney has been consistently economically conservative. The fucking guy is good at it. Mitt is an Economic Conservative Superstar.
BUT, you say: Don't Social Conservatives want Romney too? No. They don't. Social Conservatism IS Fundamental Christianity. Fundamental Christianity thinks Mormonism is a cult. No, let me state that more accurately. Fundamental Christianity is certain that Mormonism is a cult. And no, they don't see any irony in that. Besides the Mormon thing, Romney has been almost perfectly inconsistent bordering upon incontinent. He was for gay marriage before he was against it. He was pro-choice before he was pro-life. Will Social Conservatives vote for Obama? Nope. Not many of yer real snakecharmers will vote for a Democrat. But they'll for goddam sure stay home this coming November. If Romney is the VP choice, I predict that Social Conservatives will protest ON THE FLOOR of the GOP Convention! We may not see it, but they will.
Okay, so who else is there for Social Conservatives? Keep in mind, with McCain being like a thousand-years-old and sporting a new band-aid on his face every week, Republicans know they might well be stuck with their VP as POTUS at any time.
Only one I can think of is Huckabee. Three words: Limbaugh Hates Huckabee. Economic Conservatives HATE them some Huck. Why? Because he's a populist, an Economic Liberal, a practicing TAX RAISERERER and is likely to stay that way and govern that way. Mike Huckabee has never downsized. Mike Huckabee has never laid anyone off. Mike Huckabee puts wrinkles in Social Conservatives' dicks.
Lieberman? No. No way. He's pro-choice and apart from being a neocon, has a pretty liberal voting record, both economically and socially. It's not Lieberman.
Kay Baile Hutchinson? WOMAN. PRO-CHOICE. No way.
Well, there's this: Mitt Romney and Mike Huckabee will be at a so-called Unity Rally with McCain in Missouri on Sunday. What's that mean?
That means McCain has chosen..... Tim Pawlenty. I guarantee it.
Now. Who the fuck is Tim Pawlenty?
I don't know. I'm asking you.