Dear Hillary:
I hope you're well. I'm sure it's been a tough couple of months. And I'm sure that the nomination of Sarah Palin has you feeling confused. Maybe one moment you're proud of her, the next minute resentful. Maybe you hope the best for her, or maybe you hope she crashes and burns. One thing I'm sure you're aware of, though, is the fact that now you must realize the errors of your ways. Hindsight is 20/20, I know, but sister it is clear that you went about achieving the office of the Presidency in the most tragically miscalculated manner.
35 years of experience? US Senator? Well-traveled, well-connected, well-known, formidable political skills, amazing debater, quick thinker, tireless campaigner - HA! Come on! You actually thought that would work?!!?
Working to get into one of the nation's finest law schools, marrying a man you loved but who treated you poorly, standing by his side as he ascended to power, swallowing the bitter pill as he humiliated himself, and you, and your family in front of the world, then fighting back, running for senate in one of the country's biggest states, winning, forming alliances with other Senators, working across the aisle, raising hundreds of millions of dollars, surrounding yourself with experienced and tenacious advisers, cultivating an army of devoted volunteers, learning about and discussing every facet of government with experts, aides, and scholars, proving to the country that you had the superior judgment, tenacity, and temperament to lead this country - I mean, SERIOUSLY? YOU REALLY THOUGHT THE AMERICAN PEOPLE WOULD FALL FOR THAT?
Hillary, if you really wanted to have been the first female President, the solution now seems so simple - you should have graduated from Wellesley, moved to the least populous state in the nation, ascended to governor, and then waited for a cynical candidate to select you to be his running mate. When he keels over from the stress of the job, TA-freaking-DA! President, baby!
Girls of America, take note: want to be successful? Try hard, but not that hard. Wait for a successful man to come along and give you the right opportunity to succeed. It worked for my mom, it worked for Sarah, and it'll work for you!