You really need to watch this about four times — it keeps getting funnier/scarier:
Following is my annotated transcript. Frankly, I wonder if she'll be on any news shows any time...ever?
[italics are my guess at their internal monologue]
Gibson: Do you believe in the Bush Doctrine?
Palin: In what respect, Charlie?
Gibson: The Bush—What? Does she have no idea what that is? I mean I know that this is softball, but the flight up from the States is really long, she must have…well, I'll give her another chance—what do you interpret it to be?
Palin: Ooh! Ooh! Call on me! I got this one. I am pretty wonderful, right Jesus? His world view.
Gibson: Holy—she has no idea what I am talking about? Really? I mean not a hair there for her to go on? Uh, oh boy, I guess I have to give her a hint or something. No, the Bush Doctrine. September, 2002. Here's the hint, hon. C'mon, this one is easy. Before the Iraq war. Like, you know, preëmptive. Or something.
Palin: Yeah, I got it. Iraq. That's all about evil terrorists. Those were on the flashcards. Being Vice is so easy! I believe that what President Bush has attempted to do is rid this world of Islamic Extremism, terrorists who are hellbent on destroying our nation. There have been blunders along the way though. Talking points are fun. I only know five, so I just choose one. Why is the aide over there putting a spoon in his left eye socket? There have been mistakes made. And with new leadership, and that's the beauty of American elections, of course, and democracy, is with new leadership comes opportunity to do things better. Now if I can remember how McCain voted. Damn. Well this election is about me anyway and I am doing great! Did you see how I just killed that question. Biden is going down.
Gibson: And it's one, two, three strikes you're out. Look, kid, I gave you enough chances and you backpedaled to talking points and you obviously have no idea what you are talking about. You need a bit more studying hon, but I am not going to let you keep going, this is beyond sound bite already. Here's the answer you were looking for (and nowhere near). The Bush Doctrine, as I understand it, And, please correct me if I am wrong is that we have the right of anticipatory Is that word too long there? self defense. Here, I'll explain anticipatory for ya. And looking like the tenth grader who obviously didn't read chapters 21 and 22 last night is not very presidential. We have the right to a preëmptive strike against any other country that we think is going to attack us. Do you agree with that? Can you formulate an answer to a question you haven't heard before? Can you?
Palin: Charlie, if there is legitimate and enough intelligence Ooh! Now that you told me the answer I think I got this one! a strike is imminent against the American people, we have every right to defend our country. In other words, yes. I love Bush!
Gibson: Do we have the right to be making cross-border attacks in to Pakistan from Afghanistan with or without the approval of the Pakistani Government? This is a yes or no question. Yes, or no.
Palin: This wasn't on the flash cards either? What is going on? As for our right Come on, Sarah, you sank two free throws in a state basketball championship in a state smaller than a all but a few dozen cities in this country, you're a star. You can get through this. to invade, we're going to work with these countries, building new relationships, working with existing allies, but forging new, also, in order to, Charlie That's his name, right? These yes or no questions are so hard!, get to a point in this world where war is not going to be a first option
Stop. Please, stop. The hole is getting real deep. Do you mean to say that war is a first option now? Really, the first option? You already answer both sids of the question. "We have every right to defend our country" and "We're going to work with these countries" regarding our right to invade ARE CONTRADICTORY. And he asked you a yes or no question! Back to your regularly scheduled brain fart.
War has got to be—and military strike—a last option.
Gibson: Look, if you'd just said yes or no we would have moved on to how special your children are or some other fluff question. This isn't that easy for me either, I have a brain which has to listen to this shit. But governor, I'm asking: do we have the right, in your mind That's a scarier and scarier thought every second to go across the border, with or without the approval of the Pakistani government? Is there a bloody echo in here?
Palin: See, if I knew what answer they told me to tell you I'd tell you but I don't know so I am going to continue blathering, okay? In order to stop Islamic Extremists, those terrorists who would seek to destroy America and our allies What country are we talking about? Are they our ally?, we must do whatever it takes and we must not blink, Charlie, in making those tough decisions Like, you know, I'm oh so prepared to make, obvi. of where we go and even who we target.
Gibson: Jesus Christ on a crutch. I mean room temperature IQ is one thing down in the lower 48, but what is the thermostat set to up here? 55? Let me finish with this, I—I'm—I got lost in a blizzard of words there. Is this really that hard? What do you want me to ask, your favorite fuck color? Is that a yes, you think we have the right to go across the border, with or without the approval of the Pakistani Government YES OR NO! GODDAMNIT! YES OR NO! to go after terrorists who are in the Waziristan area? I know Waziristan might confuse you but, hell, I just told you to say yes or no, I can't make this any easier. Just pick a fucking side already!
Palin: Don't drool, don't drool, don't drool. I believe that America has to exercise all options in order to stop the terrorists who are hellbent on destroying America and our allies. Did I say that already? Can't remember with all this hard yes or no question. We have got to have all options out there on the table.
Gibson: I think it's time to go to a commercial while I stop slamming my head in to this wall.