I am writing this diary because I need help.
I am fortunate in my life to have created a reality in which I am mostly surrounded by people who share with me certain important understandings about the world. This does not mean that I only know people who always agree with me, rather all of the people I have to interact with share certain baseline assumptions and have a similar awareness about the world.
The problem, as I learned this past weekend, is that this makes me very ineffectual at persuading others who do not "get it" the way that I do.
I live mostly in Europe, though I am American. I am currently home, in New York state, and was talking to friends in bar last weekend. They were concerned about the recent polls that had shown Sarah Palin was closing the gap between McCain and Obama and could not understand how this woman could possibly be in consideration for the Vice Presidency of this country.
Armed with my dailykos knowledge of poll bias, I launched into an explanation of things really work. I explained that polls were biased. That most people's initial instincts about Palin are something like "she is not qualified to be President." However, they then see a series of polls that come out week after week that show McCain rising. The polls of course do not say anything about 1. Convention bounce, or 2. the fact that they oversample Republicans, or 3. have sketchy "likely voter" models which they don't release unless they favor John McCain. They simply present the numbers without qualification and tell you what to think: McCain is on the rise.
This has the effect of making people wonder "what does 48% of Pennsylvania know that I don't about Palin." Or something similar. Then, people start to question their initial instincts about her. This is the power of narrative -- it forces people to question what they know, or what their initial reactions are. The influence of group think should not be ignored. Had the polls coming out after the Palin pick shown a steady drop in support this would have cemented the idea in people's minds that she was unqualified. Instead, they showed a rise and people wondered if their instincts were correct.
After finishing my impassioned explanation, this older man sitting on the other edge of the bar begins to sneer through his cigarette smoke. "Does that mean you're votin' for that Obama fellow." It is said with tones of such ugly contempt that I immediately feel my body clench up. The anxiety level shoots through my body from the head to my feet as my blood vessels contract and my heart rate races.
I am speechless, but he continues, saying "You better watch out for his ideas of 'shared incomes' and that joke he made in San Fransisco about middle class people being bitter..."
I had to cut him off, it was too much for me. In a single sentence to misrepresent Obama as a marxist, to bring up "San Francisco" and all the not-so-veiled meanings implicit therein, and to drag "bittergate" all in not even a complete sentence. It was a masterstroke; a hat-trick of ignorance. I blurted out ugly, ugly things. I went on, my voice dripping with shameful cynicism, something like "Oh you're right, I would much rather have a president who jokes about Bombing Iran, because you know, vaporizing Tehran is much better than a out of context comment about guns and religion."
He started to say something about Iran getting a nuke, end of the world, etc. etc. but I was beyond where I could communicate. I told him in very ugly words where he could kindly put his primitive world view.
I am ashamed of my reaction, and that is why I need your help. I grew up in a family where I am the moderate -- My father is fond of saying religion is the root of all evil. I am my own boss. I live in a large, international European city. I have never really had to deal with conservative people, besides my super-extended family, whom I see every 3 or 4 years and we do not talk about anything truthful or meaningful with each other because we have a silent agreement that it's just better that way (my family are masters of denial -- If Elephants in the Room were real, my family could run a circus).
But my problem is this. That man will never vote for Obama now. I took an opportunity to impart knowledge to someone else, a voter, and could not get beyond the anger and frustration that boiled my blood and led me to tell him to shove it.
So my question, Kossacks, to all of you who have experience canvassing, or talking to conservative family members, how in the hell do you do it? how do you quiet the reactions of rage and frustration and get to place where you can be effectively persuasive?
Please help, next time I am faced with this I would rather win someone over then tell them where they can stick their primitive world view.
UPDATE AND CONCLUSIONS: Thanks to everyone who took a moment to give me some advice. I have concluded the following:
- It is best that people with my temperament -- sort of intolerant of idiotic people -- should spend out time working so that we can donate money so that other people can professionally canvas. When forced (accidentally) into a politial conversation with a "troglodyte" it is best to take deep breaths and employ our evolutionarily evolved ability to ignore others and, well, lie.
- Democracy has problems, mostly having to do with the fact that it is easy to manipulate people, especially through the media, but in the absence of any better proposition for a form of government, the best course of action is to work to make sure as many people as possible vote, thereby countering the effect that the small, but energized-to-vote radical rightwing have on the electorate.
Thanks again.