I present to you, fellow Kossacks, the scientific laws of Republican Campaigning. They have been perfected by the finest team of mathematicians (i.e. me + a bag of Doritos), and have been accepted by the community at large (i.e. me) as irrefutable fundamental truths. These are very much in the same mathematical vein as Godwin's Law.
Feel free to add your own.
Karl Rove Law
As a smear's outrageousness and implausibility approaches infinity, so does its effectiveness.
Corollary - as outrageousness and implausibility approaches infinity, so does the number of times said smear is repeated.
John McCain Broken Record Law
As the ability to answer a fair question with competence approaches 0, the likelihood of that answer containing an irrelevant reference to war approaches 1.
Sean Hannity Douchebag Lemma
The relationship between right-wing-pundit screeching and Republican desperation is a monotonous, increasing function. As Republican desperation approaches infinity, the proportion of debate time comprised of a right-wing moron shouting over everybody else asymptotically approaches 1. Extensive testing has allowed us to estimate that the y-intercept is approximately 0.7.
To add - the volume of that shouting is an increasing, monotonous function that approaches infinity.
Rush Limbaugh Law Of Projection
The more obvious the hypocrisy of a Republican politician or pundit, the easier it is to accuse his/her opponent of said hypocrisy without evidence, and make it work.
Corollary - anybody who attributes said hypocrisy to its rightful owner is a Nazi and/or terrorist sympathizer and/or terrorist.
Craziel came up with this law:
George Bush Law Of Rapid Response
As the need for urgent, immediate federal action approaches infinity, the likelihood of the president being on vacation approaches 1.
I'll leave you with one more:
ExxonMobil Law of Resource Scarcity
As the amount of available oil approaches 0, the proportion of packaging that is made of plastic approaches 1.