And no, I don't mean 'Republican'. I mean the other kind of Red. You know, the BAD kind. Sure, we all remember Northern Exposure, with it's vision of Alaskans as fiercely independent, yet lovable citizens. Unfortunately, the truth isn't quite so pleasant. The REAL Alaska doesn't come with a laugh track.
Like it's elitist cousin, Hawaii, Alaska thinks it's too good to share a border with any of its sister states, but not even Hawaii hates our freedom enough to snuggle up to a province. Alaska, I'm sorry to say, has done just that. And not just any province either. Alaska, of its own free will, has chosen to border on a province of the Socialist Republic of Canada. You may have heard of Canada. That's the country that's been plotting with our own liberal traitors to create a Pan-American Highway, which they will use to transport tanks, troops, etc, directly into our Heartland, and from there conquer the entire USA and force socialized medicine on our innocent children. That, my friends, is the country, the ONLY country Alaska wants as a neighbor.
But that's not the worst of it. Not only has Alaska cozied up to the most left-wing nation on the continent, it's just a strait away from the Evil Empire itself, the Soviet Union (or, as it's known today, 'the former Soviet Union'). That's right, my friends, just 53 miles separate the so-called 'American' state of Alaska from the birthplace of Karl Marx and Osama bin Laden.
And what of Todd Palin's 'fishing trips'? The oceans of Alaska are so thick with tuna that any kid with a cane pole can catch enough to support a family of five, yet 'avid fisherman' Palin had to take a cushy job with an oil company just to pay the bills. So what was he doing out there all that time he was supposed to be fishing? Swimming maybe? Impossible. The water is deadly cold, and anyway, there's hardly room to swim, what with all the tuna around. No, there's only one possible explanation for those trips: he was crossing the Bering Strait to visit the former Soviet Union (formerly known as 'the Soviet Union') where he was indoctrinated by a secret Islamo-commie terrorist cell.
Upon returning home, Todd did what any brutal, Islamist husband would do. He demanded that his wife convert to Islam, as well. Sarah, as a good Christian wife, had no choice but to obey her husband in this, as in all things. So it was that Sarah Palin became a terrorist. Now I know what some of you are thinking, "Come on, not ALL Muslims are terrorists, are they?" To you I say, Stop listening to the liberal media! Anyway, the evidence is clear. Not only does Palin never wear a headscarf in public, she's gone so far as to actually attend services at a Christian church. What kind of Muslim would behave like that? Only a Muslim with something to hide, a Muslim who's up to no good. That's the very definition of 'terrorist' (look it up).
Please help me spread the word. E-mail this to everyone you know, write letters, make phone calls. America must know the truth! A vote for McCain is a vote for Islamo-commie terrorism.