Hold your falme-throwers for a minute. I was thinking the other day about what fun it would be to insert a viral email into the conservative bloodstream with just the right subversive qualities.
I'm no Tom Paine or Stephen Colbert, but there's an attempt to draw lessons from both in the below. Something that would, on the surface, look like a right-wing screed worthy of forwarding to other like-minded, misguided friends. On deeper reading, however, I was hoping to get the wheels turning on just what John McCain represents...
Anyway, take a look below the fold for my email titled, "Facts on McCain's side".
Friends,
The elitist media is edging closer to calling John and Sarah liars and we need to fight back now! Please forward these points to your friends and enemies so they see the light.
Knock 'em dead!
5 Facts about John McCain:
- He'll re-start the economy by continuing Bush's tax cuts for the rich. That's a reduction in taxes of $3.3 Trillion!!! Forget "trickle down," that's more like a "Lower 9th Ward flood" of benefits as it works its way down to us. Just look how it helped since it started in Bush's first term.
- He'll cut spending by attacking earmarks. That's a reduction in spending of $171 billion (since 2001). And, as Alan Greenspan says in Bloomberg, he'll only need to attack another $3.1 Trillion in spending to balance the budget. Not a problem, right?
- He'll make sure we win in Iraq. There's no way, John's going to let this go now that we've committed so much time and effort! And I do mean "win," not "success" like Bush says now or the waffling General Petraeus is doing. Just "get 'er done," John, we're behind you!
- His choice of Sarah was brilliant. She's not just a good campaigner, but she's just the right mix of Bush and Cheney to continue their legacy. She really is like a pit bull: stubborn determination combined with an unpredictability of who she'll attack. Watch out evil Washington republicans and democrats, change is coming! Just look at what the National Review's David Frum says about her.
- He'll solve the gas price problem with more drilling. Drill, baby, drill. Sure, that phrase is addressed to babies because the oil won't be ready until they have driver's licenses, but the psychological impact of knowing we'll get 1% more of our oil needs from domestic sources will scare the heck out of those Saudis. They'll never condone letting us get attacked again after what happened last time. They're still smarting from how we took out Saddam and kept buying SUVs.
So forward to your conservative friends and commit these points to memory. Easier still, just repeat the mantra: "John will preserve George's legacy."
-McCain2000