Dear Senator (insert name here)
I respectfully request that you send me and my family my bail-up package immediately. You can start by sending us $7,000. We might request more if we find that you haven't sent us enough money the first time around.
By my reckoning $700 Billion divided by 100 million taxpayers comes to $7,000 each. You are not allowed to ask me how I will use the money. I might use it to buy guns, gold and ammunition or I might use it to pay off some of my creditors. Again it's my damn business.
Seeing as how money is so tight for some of these money lenders I might just hold a reverse auction and let them offer to reduce the balances due them in exchange for a complete payoff.
For example one credit card company might offer me .20 cents on the dollar for a payoff on the balance due and another might only offer me .40 cents on the dollar. Obviously I would offer to payoff the credit card that offered me the 20% payoff first. Let the other credit card company continue to make interest off of my debt but only on 40% of the debt.
But then again it would be my call on who I decide to payoff first.
Speaking of payoffs once you commit to sending me my bail-up package I promise that I will vote to re-elect you. You won't have to run around the state begging for campaign donations like a cheap whore, because you will have already bought my neighbors and my vote.
Sincerely,
American tax recipient